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Are Pumpkins More Delicious Or Deadly?
Mahwah, NJ – It has been 23 days since the beginning of Autumn. This means that every beverage, piece of clothing, and homework assignment on Ramapo’s Mahwah campus has the right to be pumpkin-related. However, the investigative team here at Ramapo Basement has uncovered the scary (like Halloween H20 scary) truth behind this yearly pumpkin... MORE »
8 Minutes to Freedom: Inner Monologue of Student Whose Professor is Late
8 Minutes to Go: Okay, let’s just relax. We’ve been in this situation before. Don’t wanna get your hopes up, only to be crushed by his entrance. He’s gonna come. There’s no shot he’s not coming. I wonder what we’re learning today. Yup, definitely gonna come. 7 Minutes to Go: Holy shit, he’s not coming.... MORE »
Ramapo Athletes Question Coach’s Motives After Lack of Touching
Members of the Men’s Basketball team were distraught Wednesday, after Coach Jones refused to grope them after the game. This isn’t the first time players have come forward about Coach J. refusing to touch them. On several instances over the course of the season, players have openly claimed that they lack a little inspiration. “You... MORE »
Trailer “Classrooms” Actually Government Testing Sites
From the start of the semester, large, houselike trailers have popped up in all the most inconvenient places throughout campus. Some students have been known to have classes in these odd buildings, a few even admitting that they are pretty nice. But what is the real reason for the presence of these hick-homes? Reports of flashing lights... MORE »
The Graduating Senior’s Mass Text to Potential Sexual Partners
22. That’s the number that is making many of us graduating seniors cringe today. 22 days until graduation. 22 days until we enter the real world. 22 days until you’re stuck with whatever your college sex tally is for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. For the past 4 years, we’ve been able to fall back... MORE »
New Apathetic College Service Offers Short-Term Pencil Rentals
MAHWAH, NJ—Announcing its plan to offer short-term, affordable pencil rentals for RoadRunners who don’t own pencils of their own, Apathetic College Inc. launched a brand-new pencil-sharing service earlier this Fall. According to company officials, Apathetic College’s inaugural inventory consists of 24 pencils for the whole campus, providing students with the option to rent pencils by... MORE »
Ramapo Luminis Prepares Students for Assignments and Potential Lays
The beginning of the semester here at Ramapo College has a lot to offer to its students. Hope, opportunity, a chance to raise one’s GPA, and more importantly, a chance to pray on potential lays on Luminis. Luminis is an online platform used by teachers to post assignments, schedules, syllabi, and any other information pertaining... MORE »
A New Hope: Finding Open Classes After Registration
Registration hell week has finally ended, but chances are you have been left in tears. As expected, the Spring 2013 semester wasn’t offering more than three of the classes you need for your major, and two of them already exceeded their max capacity. You were thinking of knocking out your science gen ed with one... MORE »
American Students Repeat History: British Exchange Students Defeated at local Bar Brawl
Suffern, NY. If you’re a student at Ramapo College, you know that New Rock, a local bar in Suffern, New York, is the (only) place to be on Tuesday and Thursday nights. Shuttle service, cheap drinks, and a dance floor entice hundreds of Ramapo students to attend the venue. The local fare is almost exclusively... MORE »
Last Will and Testament; Ramapo College, I Leave to You:
- The right to have a working hand dryer and a stocked soap dispenser coexist in harmony in the upstairs men’s bathroom by the gym. You’ve done a great job at having one at a time, but in this progressive era, you finally bring these two necessities together at the same time. ... MORE »