22. That’s the number that is making many of us graduating seniors cringe today. 22 days until graduation. 22 days until we enter the real world. 22 days until you’re stuck with whatever your college sex tally is for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. For the past 4 years, we’ve been able to fall back on “ahh, no worries. I’ll just go after her next time” after either pussying out and not talking to a girl or getting rejected by the girl that we should have just pussied out and not talked to.
But don’t give up yet, fellow seniors. For we have one last stand. One last chance at THAT girl. One last chance at THOSE girls, if you’re ambitious. May I present to you, the proper format for the Hail Mary Mass TextTM.
1. “Ayo Baby”-
NEVER begin the mass text with “Ayo Baby.” From my experience, the text is immediately deleted upon reading “Ayo Baby.” While this may be baffling to you since “Ayo Baby” just oozes romance, the world works in mysterious ways and we men must play the game.
2. The Body
The body of the text is player’s choice. Personally, I’m all for the sincere and upfront approach. “Listen, we’ve been going back and forth with the should we/ shouldn’t we game for years now. (Always assume that’s the case. It never is, but confidence is key) I think with me leaving in a couple weeks (I’m assuming it’s only you graduating and she’s younger because all of you degenerates are scumbags) it’s only right that we do the hippity dippity.” Again… player’s choice. Personally, I’m all about saying “hippity dippity,” but to each his own.
3. Closing the Deal
You may be tempted to send a dick pic. This is not an immediate “no” as far as I’m concerned. Depends on what you’re working with. My general rule of thumb is as follows:
0 < 4 inches- I wouldn’t, but again… the confidence factor is huge. But no, don’t.
4 < 7 inches- Can’t hurt. Click. That. Pic.
7+ inches- You must be reading this blog for funzies… you sir, do not need my advice, nor anyone’s for that matter.
* To save time, only use the girl’s name once in the text. Then, where her name should be, instead replace it with what looks like an iPhone autocorrect so you can send multiple texts at the same time and never get caught. It’s a numbers game, children.