If you attempt to download illegally, some guy
named Cisco will come to your apartment and cut off all of your fingers.

No parking allowed on campus. Parking is
available at the Ramapo Reservation. Failing to abide will lead to tire boots.

If you are blind, you are still not allowed to
have a pet on campus. Disobeying will result in immediate death of your pet.

If you set off the fire alarm it will be
automatically assumed you were smoking weed.

Maintenance crew can and will barge into your
room unannounced and rummage through your stuff. If you are naked then
maintenance members may attempt to touch you.

O’ Canada will take the place of the Star
Spangled Banner at all sporting events. (Thanks Mercer)

Any posters on your wall will subsequently burn
down your room. Covering over 10% can cause explosions. Use at your own risk.

Playing any sort of drinking game will lead to
alcohol poisoning. If anyone passes out from excessive alcohol consumption, don’t
call us if it was from beer pong.

Your room will be randomly inspected by the FBI at
least twice throughout the semester. Having a candle will lead to immediate

There is no wi-fi allowed in the residence
areas. Being comfortable while you do homework is a thing of the past.

Books will be sold back for 1% of the price they
were purchased for and not a penny more.

Ramapo maintenance crews will wait 5 days before
cleaning your clogged toilet.

Guests found on campus without the proper
paperwork (Ramapo issued passport) will immediately be deported to Mexico.

Taking any food out of any on campus cafeterias
will be punishable by starvation.

Note: All sanctions are final and may not be appealed. Go
fuck yourself.