Happy post Election Day everyone! For reasons other than Obama’s reelection and the legalization of gay marriage and marijuana in certain states, yesterdays’s events will change America forever. After an astonishingly large amount of participation, congress has decided to pass new legislation stating that the 2016 presidential election votes will be counted based on the number of filled-out ballot pictures posted on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
Although once considered a federal offense, congress believes that this will keep young voters interested in the election. “Also,” one congresswoman adds, “It will save us the trouble of having to think up a punishment for the insane amount of people who took pictures of their ballots. Now we have plenty of time to continue playing with the new mini office basketball set Barry just bought us.”
Young voters throughout the nation have been rejoicing over this announcement. Sophomore Corey Jonstein is proud to admit that he started the trend for Ramapo posters. “I figured telling people which candidate I voted for in ten Facebook statuses just wasn’t enough. The public demanded proof and I delivered,” he explains. Many students followed suit, deciding the best way to spread the word about the importance of voting was to do it illegally and in an annoying, news feed-clogging way.
Many elderly citizens, however, are less than thrilled with the situation. Eustace Rodgers, president of the Mahwah Bridge Club, has prompted many of his cohorts to file complains against this new style of voting. Many older voters do not have smartphones or social media accounts, and they would not know what to do with them if they had them. Nevertheless, congress has chosen to move on with the law, simply stating, “deal with it.”
An amendment for the law is already in the works, allowing voters to retweet pictures of ballots in case they cannot make it to the polls. This will most definitely never get out of hand or cause unfair advantages.