From the start of the semester, large, houselike trailers have popped up in all the most inconvenient places throughout campus. Some students have been known to have classes in these odd buildings, a few even admitting that they are pretty nice. But what is the real reason for the presence of these hick-homes? Reports of flashing lights and maniacal laughter coming from the trailers through the night hours have been becoming more and more frequent. This past week, our team went around questioning students and tried to get a better look at the trailers for themselves.
We caught up with one young man stumbling out of a trailer late at night. When asked what he was doing in there at that hour, he responded with a quick and monotone, “America is great and there is definitely nothing going on in there besides learning. Did I mention America is great?” He then twitched a few times and hurried into a cluster of trees.
Sophomore Johnny Sellers found us to talk about his experience. “I know someone who was abducted in one of those trailers. I was there for Latin African Indian Chinese English Literature class with my friend Grant. When class was over, Grant was nowhere to be found. I looked all around, but I ended up leaving without him and haven’t seen him since.” Johnny further speculated that Grant might have just been in the bathroom.
While many students are taken in for “examination” while already in the trailer, others are picked off from around campus.
“I was walking back from the Village one night when.. when… I don’t know man, but I woke up in the Pine parking lot,” whispered one nervous looking freshman. When asked where the Pine parking lot actually was, the student went completely wide-eyed and ran off. Needless to say, we could not get any more information from him.
Though there are many student testimonials, no hard evidence has been found to prove that these buildings are doing anything more than serving as temporary classrooms. Are these trailers housing full on student lobotomies? Are are government scientists at work doing sciency things? Or are people actually there for class and just on a lot of drugs? Who knows, but I would watch my back if I were you.