1) The Boyfriend Report
Do you realize every time you put something like this on your wall, you make it that much harder for anyone to feel bad for you when the relationship ends two days later?
2) The Vague Expression of Passive Aggression
John Smith is–Some people are really making other people really angry by doing certain things that they shouldn’t…
Gee, why don’t you just tag the person you got into a fight with two hours earlier? Are you hoping to make all your friends worry that you’re mad at them? The comment section on these are even better–
John Doe: OMG! You’re not mad at me, are you?
John Smith: Noooo, OMG, I love you!!! It’s just someone doing something that they shouldn’t. They’re just a someone.
Jane Doe: Is it ME??? LOL No, but is it?
John Smith: LOL Nooooo! Someone else.
3) The Inside Joke
John Smith is–koala bears in the what what? Hahaha
You know, they have this new thing where you can edit statuses so that only certain people can see them. Why not do that rather than make everyone other than the two people who know what the hell you’re talking about read this and have their heads explode while they try to figure out how you came in contact with a koala bear and just what your “what what” is?
4) The Ode to Life
John Smith is–Crazy pancakes after an amazing party at Sal’s! Love my Life!
I don’t care.
5) The Cursed Life
John Smith is–I just found out that I’m adopted and that my real parents were Bavarian gypsies! FML!
I don’t care–and I now know wayyy too much about you.
6) The Declaration of Love to a Really Bad Pop Culture Phenomenon As If You’re the Only Idiot That Likes It
John Smith is–AVATAR IS AMAZING!!! Everybody should see it!
I’m sorry, I’m confused. Are you talking to the four people who haven’t seen it? Thank you for exposing us to this hidden gem. Aside from the record-breaking gross and the Oscar nominations, I never would have heard abo
John Smith is–”And your body is/My ferris wheel/I loved getting stuck/At th
Just so we’re clear, posting song lyrics afterwards doesn’t make the hook-up any less trashy.
The Compliment Fisher
John Smith is–I’m the worst person ever. Someone just shoo
Am I the only one who sees statuses like this and wants to comment with–”Yeah, you really are. You should just find a bottle of something and take the whole thing. So glad you realized this without any of us having to tell you.
9) The Bar Tab
John Smith–Still sooo wasted from last night. Threw up on myself. Hahaha Who wants to go out tonight?
If I want to find out how your alcoholism is going, I’ll tune into Intervention when your episode is on.
10) The Awesome Vacation That Only You’re On