MAHWAH, NJ – Students and faculty were confused by the slow pace of Ramapo’s usually speedy snow crew. After the snow had started to come down heavily a little before noon this past Tuesday, commuters and dorming students alike wondered why it was taking so long to clear the areas.
“Last semester the hill by the Village was always cleared pretty quickly even if the snow came in the middle of the day,” Village resident Jake Copeland said Tuesday, noting that his after lunch run had to be pushed back due to the weather. “I mean, we live in the Northeast United States. Come on Rama-poo, get it together!”
We here at Ramapo Basement counted at least five sightings of sidewalk slippage and four spilled coffees clearly marking the snow.
“I literally saw like someone almost hit a kid walking through the parking lot,” Sarah Thompson, a Junior commuter said. “It’s friggin’ ridiculous.”
Reached for comment, President Mercer told reporters that he took some medication early that morning and just really, really wanted the Ramapo community to see something pretty. “I mean we’re not all just individual students and faculty and deans and students and faculty and squirrels, we’re a family,” said Mercer in a video posted to the YouTube account ‘TehCollegePrez420’.
In a leaked memo to campus faculty, President Mercer insisted that snow gazing and snow angel creation be attributable to any and all Course Enrichment Curriculum (CEC) hours. Instructors, who wish to remain anonymous, have said that most of the faculty embrace this temporary measure. “Less work for us to check make us happy,” said one professor.
#StonedPrez was all over the Twitter and Facebook pages of Ramapo students. “Hell yes, Mercer! Imma send you a pre-Xmas finals week basket of sum Cali stuff right before my Stats final,” wrote one Sophomore.
Late Tuesday evening another video was posted to the ‘TehCollegePrez420’ YouTube account. “I think I’m starting to come down,” Mercer said. “But I meant what I said, Ramapo family. I’ve been walking around looking at your snow angels and I get a little misty even though I know I only feel this way because of what I swallowed this morning.”