Most folks with a higher education can look back at their final week of college and recall seven days of drunken havoc, poor decisions, questionable morals, and loose women. A Ramapo graduate, however, can look back fondly upon snack time in the alcohol-free tent, finger painting, a police presence, and being quarantined in the Village. Oh, and loose women. Definitely loose women.
The predecessor to the night of coloring book-esque fun was a special dinner for Seniors at the infamous Birch Tree Inn. With a reputation of “laxatives in the food” and “asking for diarrhea”, many were skeptical. However, the words “free” and “special” lured in the majority of the class of 2012.
To match the rainy weather was an even greater storm of shit. Restrooms in the Student Center, H-wing, G-Wing, C-Wing, and the entire first quad of the Village all became victims of the Senior Dinner.
“I didn’t know what to do,” comments graduating Senior, Alex Diaz. “Everybody had to shit. Girls ran into the guys bathrooms, guys shat in sinks, it was a serious shit show.”
Desperation peaked, as students subdued to their animalistic instincts.
Ramapo College announced that they will be re-doing the roofing that has just been fixed, and to beware of leakage coming from the ceiling…because it’s definitely not just water.
Alas, it has been real, Ramapo. Thank you, fuck you, and goodnight.