With the random burst of heat that is gently warming up New Jersey, it is with great pleasure that we welcome Short Shorts Season a bit early this year.
Short Shorts Season is the brief time between the end of April and middle of May in which girls of all shapes and sizes begin to change over their wardrobe in preparation for the blazing hot summer months.
The visual that we encounter with this style change, like the summer weather, can either be a welcomed treat or a drought of disaster.
To help you become better at spotting out SSS participants to gawk at versus those who make you double-take in a bad way, we have compiled a list of the type of SSS’ers you will likely encounter:
Spandex Booty Shorts: This girl is HOT, cares about her fitness, and definitely has Daddy issues. Top selection.
Super Short Jean Shorts: This girl is HOT, probably cares about her fitness, and probably has Daddy issues. Worth a shot.
Generic Short Shorts: With her shorts, she’s saying “Hey, it’s hot out, I’m not really a slut, but I shaved my legs and want everyone to know it.”
Capris: WARNING! Do not approach. Though she may be attractive, she has cellulite. Bad. She may try to tell you it’s her way of being stylish while acknowledging the heat, but trust us, you WILL be disappointed.
Pants: This can be broken down into two parts. A. She is overweight, hairy legs, or prudishly shy, and could be in the same demographic as Capri girl. B. She is a lady in the street, freak in the bed. Gamble if you will.
Male Short Shorts: Gay or foreign. Most likely both.