Jeremy Lin’s Performance Gives Ivy Leaguers Hope

Article by Piliour February 7, 2012

Last night, Harvard graduate Jeremy Lin put up 28 points and 8 assists in a Knicks victory over the Utah Jazz. After the game, Harvard graduates around the world rejoiced.  “Before this, I had no hope,” said Candace Kim, ’03, “I was just another unemployable Harvard graduate with no prospects. Jeremy Lin’s performance proved that Harvard... MORE »

Article by gpsmonkey
November 27, 2011

Students Rave About Trojan Brand’s “Bear” Skin Condoms

Trojan Brand Condoms’ newest product launch, the Trojan BareSkin condoms, has been one of this year’s hottest new items in premarital pregnancy prevention. The new product claims to be 40% thinner than the leading brand and made of traditional latex materials. One of the largest misconceptions (no pun intended) of the new Trojan BareSkin condoms... MORE »

Article by Piliour
September 20, 2010

Adamant Student: “Cornell Is Gorgeous, Not Gorges!”

Marc Stinsmore is absolutely certain that there is a typo on much of the Cornell University apparel. Stinsmore, a freshman, insists, “They spelled the word “gorgeous’ incorrectly and I demand that it be corrected. How is Cornell even an Ivy if they can’t spell a simple word? It’s embarrassing.”   Stinsmore’s peers have attempted, however... MORE »

Article by Lia Woodward
April 26, 2012

Research finds “Commencement” is no longer a terminal illness

The class of 2012 and all its friends can breath a collective sigh of relief about at least one thing as May 11th approaches, thanks to some timely research conducted by the University of Southern California. According to chief researchers, 98% of the student body was under the impression that Commencement,  or “graduation”  in dirty... MORE »

Article by Anonymous
August 29, 2011

Newhouse III’s “food.com” runs out of seating on first day of class, rest of academic year

Over-achieving Newhouse students with nothing better to do than hang out in Newhouse learned early Monday morning that their beloved cafe, food.com, ran out of seating. “I had some time to kill before my Com 107 class and heard that food.com is the place where all the Newhouse kids hang out,” said freshman Isabelle Davis, “but when I... MORE »

Article by Jared Martin
March 17, 2012

Columbians Withhold Sex Over Obama Controversy, Barnard Women Rejoice

On Saturday, March 3rd, Lindsay Lohan debuted her new inflatable face on Saturday Night Live, scaring children, parole officers, and Aaron Samuelsez across this great nation. In equally exciting news, March 3rd brought with it the announcement that President Barack Obama will be speaking at Barnard College, the most prestigious of all female colleges barring Rupaul’s... MORE »

Mizzou »
Article by 9 to 5
October 26, 2011