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An Email Thread of Indecisive Students Trying to Plan Spring Break (Mizzou)
This article is part of our "Let's Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break" Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to 'like' your favorite!
Monday following spring break, MU student Brad O’Neal filed a restraining order in the local district court against classmate Katie Gladhill on the grounds that she was “being a total psycho bitch”. According to Mr. O’Neal, the two had ended their romantic relationship earlier in the semester and as spring break was approaching the texts... MORE »
So, I’ve been the target for frequent ghost attacks ever since I decided it was a good idea to do an Ouija board in front of a cemetery at three in the morning. Candles, friends, rain, creepy aspects all in line, I’m pretty sure that some ghost got really pissed off and decided to haunt... MORE »
Last Thursday night Freshman Doyle Matheson admitted in conversation with a member of the opposite sex that he was “really into sports.” “Ladies love guys that are really into sports,” said Matheson, “which explains why I get it in on the regs.” As evidence of his love of sports, Matheson receives ESPN updates to his... MORE »
In a surprising move that also shocked no one, The Hearst Corporation, owner of both Cosmopolitan and Esquire, has acquired The Maneater’s very own MOVE Magazine. “I frequently write about when and how I’m getting laid and when I’m not, both in vast detail,” MOVE writer Samantha Jensen said. “Then I was offered a job... MORE »
After compiling all the facts of the case and arresting Christopher Kelly, who turned himself in after being caught on nearly every single camera in the library (most of them catching detailed shots of his facial features), Mizzou police have confirmed Kelly is completely nuts. According the police report*, Kelly set 10 different fires... MORE »
Things for St. Louis continue to suck. The residents discovered late Sunday evening that someone other than Albert Pujols has little interest in the city or the fans in general. Oklahoma State’s all-star wide receiver Justin Blackmon has announced that he is demanding a trade from the St. Louis Rams. This came as a bit... MORE »
This Spring semester, hundreds of Mizzou students will pack their luggage along with their preconceived notions and fly off to exotic locales, where they will be immersed in a different culture as part of the study abroad program. Whether it’s sipping Bordeaux in France or zip-lining in Brazil, these students are guaranteed new experiences as... MORE »
In the last few years, left-handed people everywhere rejoiced as their right to enter into marriage finally became legalized in states like Iowa and New York, and as their right to serve openly in the military became protected under President Obama. However, those rights are now under fresh assault. Previously, left-handed people were not allowed... MORE »
Tim Heidecker, one half of the comedy due Tim and Erik, can no longer contain his deep, throbbing passion for whom he refers to as his lord and master, Herman Cain. After attempting to earn favor with Cain via twitter, Heidecker is now looking to gain Cain’s attention with his new EP, Cainthology: Songs in... MORE »
So youâre failing. Before you drop out of college to sell weed and homemade crafts out of the trunk of your car, see if your professor can be persuaded to pad your grade. 1. Start in the obvious place â by stroking your professorâs massive ego. Linger after class to impress... MORE »
I’ve been at Mizzou for a month now, and have arrived at the conclusion people here just don’t get me. And since I’ve tried posting dramatic song lyrics as my Facebook status, tweeting about how I need plans in the hopes someone will make them with me, and standing out in Speakers Circle with a... MORE »