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An Email Thread of Indecisive Students Trying to Plan Spring Break (Mizzou)
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Merman, man, Merman. That’s all you need to know. No, he doesn’t have the black lung, and no, wetness isn’t the essence of beauty. Although, this merman is beautiful, he began his legacy as a young boy. From the days as a young guppy, this merman was doing as some might consider, “making plays.” While... MORE »
The National Football League’s ongoing investigation of the New Orleans Saints’ bounty program has discovered that infamous bounty hunter, Boba Fett, was contacted multiple times by head coach Sean Peyton. Under the dubious program, not enough players were being injured at the hands of the Saints, which upset the coaching staff. While the signing of... MORE »
The entire scientific community held its collective breath last week when the most complete Stegosaurus fossil yet discovered was announced via press release. The press release reported that the nearly complete remains of the 27-foot armored stegosaurid dinosaur were discovered on a kitchen floor in Columbia, MO. “As there was never a precedent for the... MORE »
Speaker’s Circle on the University of Missouri campus has never seemed so quiet, as Gonga, the accordion-playing gorilla, and Penguin, his drummer/bird counterpart, split up Tuesday afternoon after a disagreement over creative control of their music. Sources said the duo had been fighting over creative control ever since they started playing together. “Gonga like to... MORE »
“Add sheet? Add sheet! Just a guy handing out Add sheets. Who likes a bargain? I know I do. Add sheet! They’re free! Coupons for over a hundred of you’re favorite stores in the greater Columbia area!” “Add sheet? No? Add sheet! No? Here, take an add sheet!….Do what? To myself? That’s not even possible... MORE »
KU vs. MU Drinking Game You couldn’t score tickets to the biggest basketball game of the year?! You worthless sack of”¦Ok, well let’s look at the bright side; you probably slept in while the rest of us woke up at horrendous hours of the morning for College Gameday. You could work out at the Rec... MORE »
This Spring semester, hundreds of Mizzou students will pack their luggage along with their preconceived notions and fly off to exotic locales, where they will be immersed in a different culture as part of the study abroad program. Whether it’s sipping Bordeaux in France or zip-lining in Brazil, these students are guaranteed new experiences as... MORE »
In the last few years, left-handed people everywhere rejoiced as their right to enter into marriage finally became legalized in states like Iowa and New York, and as their right to serve openly in the military became protected under President Obama. However, those rights are now under fresh assault. Previously, left-handed people were not allowed... MORE »
Tim Heidecker, one half of the comedy due Tim and Erik, can no longer contain his deep, throbbing passion for whom he refers to as his lord and master, Herman Cain. After attempting to earn favor with Cain via twitter, Heidecker is now looking to gain Cain’s attention with his new EP, Cainthology: Songs in... MORE »
So youâre failing. Before you drop out of college to sell weed and homemade crafts out of the trunk of your car, see if your professor can be persuaded to pad your grade. 1. Start in the obvious place â by stroking your professorâs massive ego. Linger after class to impress... MORE »
I’ve been at Mizzou for a month now, and have arrived at the conclusion people here just don’t get me. And since I’ve tried posting dramatic song lyrics as my Facebook status, tweeting about how I need plans in the hopes someone will make them with me, and standing out in Speakers Circle with a... MORE »