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An Email Thread of Indecisive Students Trying to Plan Spring Break (Mizzou)
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The entire scientific community held its collective breath last week when the most complete Stegosaurus fossil yet discovered was announced via press release. The press release reported that the nearly complete remains of the 27-foot armored stegosaurid dinosaur were discovered on a kitchen floor in Columbia, MO. “As there was never a precedent for the... MORE »
After losing Tuesday night’s presidential election, GOP candidate Willard “Mitt” Romney bought the pseudo-nation of Canada, renaming it “Romnasia” and calling upon his followers- the “good Republican people of America” to leave their homes and start a new life in the land known by many as “America’s backwoods.” “I’ve never seen him so angry before,... MORE »
Pissing in public whilst moderately intoxicated is nothing new. The body has a high level of urgency when removing potentially excessive amounts of alcohol. Combined with the fear of public scrutiny should one’s bladder evacuate prematurely in a public forum. Results include, but are not limited to, urinating on the sides of buildings and... MORE »
Disney announced early Saturday morning that it plans on releasing a special edition of the movie Song of the South on Blu-ray and DVD, featuring exclusive commentary from the late senator Strom Thurmond. The film, originally released in 1946, is known for its politically incorrect and racist depictions of blacks living in the south during... MORE »
Syllabus Week University of Missouri Jan 14 ““ Jan 26, 2012 Professor: Captain Morgan Time: 24/7 Location: Anywhere Office Hours: 8 PM ““ 4 AM every day Course Description: This one-week course is designed to test the dedication of every student. It involves drinking copious amounts of alcohol, partying until you can’t remember your own... MORE »
Mizzou’s best-kept secret, its Twerk Team, has gained a substantial amount of notoriety this week after a record seventh place finish at the Middle America Collegiate Twerking Classic. Competing against fourteen teams from neighboring states, the Tiger twerkers proved not just to Missouri, but Illinois, Arkansas and other less relevant nearby states (Kansas) that there... MORE »
This Spring semester, hundreds of Mizzou students will pack their luggage along with their preconceived notions and fly off to exotic locales, where they will be immersed in a different culture as part of the study abroad program. Whether it’s sipping Bordeaux in France or zip-lining in Brazil, these students are guaranteed new experiences as... MORE »
In the last few years, left-handed people everywhere rejoiced as their right to enter into marriage finally became legalized in states like Iowa and New York, and as their right to serve openly in the military became protected under President Obama. However, those rights are now under fresh assault. Previously, left-handed people were not allowed... MORE »
Tim Heidecker, one half of the comedy due Tim and Erik, can no longer contain his deep, throbbing passion for whom he refers to as his lord and master, Herman Cain. After attempting to earn favor with Cain via twitter, Heidecker is now looking to gain Cain’s attention with his new EP, Cainthology: Songs in... MORE »
So youâre failing. Before you drop out of college to sell weed and homemade crafts out of the trunk of your car, see if your professor can be persuaded to pad your grade. 1. Start in the obvious place â by stroking your professorâs massive ego. Linger after class to impress... MORE »
I’ve been at Mizzou for a month now, and have arrived at the conclusion people here just don’t get me. And since I’ve tried posting dramatic song lyrics as my Facebook status, tweeting about how I need plans in the hopes someone will make them with me, and standing out in Speakers Circle with a... MORE »