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An Email Thread of Indecisive Students Trying to Plan Spring Break (Mizzou)
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Since announcing his candidacy for President, Sean “Jay-Z” Carter’s campaign has remained dormant. Today, Mr. Carter has come out with his main reasons for choosing to run for President and where he stands on many important issues that polarize the United States. “What you eat don’t make me shit,” Mr. Carter said. It is believed... MORE »
A University of Missouri student reportedly shed thirty pounds of weight, only to put on fifteen pounds of lean muscle in the week preceding spring break. The student, Sean Jensen, is a sophomore at the university. Originally clocking in at 215lbs, Jensen faced ridicule from his fraternity brothers. “Yea, they weren’t very supportive of my... MORE »
I don’t know what this “Reason Rally” is, but apparently it’s a big party for atheists who enjoy spreading their words of wisdom…and…well, eating babies. MORE »
Pissing in public whilst moderately intoxicated is nothing new. The body has a high level of urgency when removing potentially excessive amounts of alcohol. Combined with the fear of public scrutiny should one’s bladder evacuate prematurely in a public forum. Results include, but are not limited to, urinating on the sides of buildings and... MORE »
After losing Tuesday night’s presidential election, GOP candidate Willard “Mitt” Romney bought the pseudo-nation of Canada, renaming it “Romnasia” and calling upon his followers- the “good Republican people of America” to leave their homes and start a new life in the land known by many as “America’s backwoods.” “I’ve never seen him so angry before,... MORE »
Our marching band “Marching Mizzou” has struggled to gain the respect they deserve. It could be the obnoxious fuzzy hats, the anime band nerd stereotype or that their half time shows include music from the dark ages. But as the band has recently added “I just had sex,” to their playlist, they’ve found a way... MORE »
This Spring semester, hundreds of Mizzou students will pack their luggage along with their preconceived notions and fly off to exotic locales, where they will be immersed in a different culture as part of the study abroad program. Whether it’s sipping Bordeaux in France or zip-lining in Brazil, these students are guaranteed new experiences as... MORE »
In the last few years, left-handed people everywhere rejoiced as their right to enter into marriage finally became legalized in states like Iowa and New York, and as their right to serve openly in the military became protected under President Obama. However, those rights are now under fresh assault. Previously, left-handed people were not allowed... MORE »
Tim Heidecker, one half of the comedy due Tim and Erik, can no longer contain his deep, throbbing passion for whom he refers to as his lord and master, Herman Cain. After attempting to earn favor with Cain via twitter, Heidecker is now looking to gain Cain’s attention with his new EP, Cainthology: Songs in... MORE »
So youâre failing. Before you drop out of college to sell weed and homemade crafts out of the trunk of your car, see if your professor can be persuaded to pad your grade. 1. Start in the obvious place â by stroking your professorâs massive ego. Linger after class to impress... MORE »
I’ve been at Mizzou for a month now, and have arrived at the conclusion people here just don’t get me. And since I’ve tried posting dramatic song lyrics as my Facebook status, tweeting about how I need plans in the hopes someone will make them with me, and standing out in Speakers Circle with a... MORE »