A dozen or so eager students arrived in the basement of the
Medical Sciences Building last night with acoustic guitars and crumpled
notebook pages heavy with the ink of fresh poetry.
The sudden appearance of knit caps and Chuck Taylor’s amongst the sea of
surgical scrubs and face masks surprised the med students, who were elbow-deep
in the dissection of a 75 year-old male cadaver affectionately referred to as
“I was about to make my first incision through the sternocostal head of the
pectoralis major when I heard what sounded like the opening chords of “The
First Cut is the Deepest.’ It was a nice touch,” Pre-Med Student Mandy Geller
The confusion likely occurred due to the fact that the event information was
spread primarily through word of mouth. Though initially shocked by both the
sight of pale, cold human flesh and the thick stench of formaldehyde and
exposed bone marrow, the new visitors acclimated quickly and proceeded with
their evening as planned.
“I was expecting more ambient light and coffee and less bright fluorescents and
glasses of embalming fluid, but these future doctors know how to party!”
Would-be poet Seth Anderson said.
The most important aspect of the night wasn’t the reading of poetry or the
dissection of Mike, however. It was the exchange of information and general
feeling of comradery that made the night a success.
“I learned that the Vena Cava isn’t just an indie rock band from Grimsby,
England! It’s also an important vine (sic) in the human body!” Anderson said.
The medical students echoed the sentiment too, who learned more than just a
practical understanding of the inner workings of the body last night.
“I learned that the superior vena cava isn’t just a large vein to the right
atrium, it’s also apparently an undie-rock (sic) band from Grimsby, England!”
Despite the rousing approval of the participants, administrators and department
heads expressed misgivings. They sighted the “gross misuse” of Missouri School
Medicine’s name and the “horrific atrocities and disrespect for human life
displayed by the apparent tattooing of Medical School property” as “issues.”
“I’m disgusted that our students displayed such poor decision making last
night. Iron Man 2 has been out on DVD for months now. What were they doing
dissecting bodies?” Associate Professor of Surgery Don Cheadle said.
All student-attendees have been detained indefinitely as of press time.