The Story of Syllabus Week

Article by carolineoreilly December 28, 2012

Syllabus Week, known as the “Festival of Natty Lights” to many, will soon be upon us once more. Though widely celebrate by most college students, there are many who have forgotten the true meaning of the weeklong celebration. To remind us why we celebrate Syllabus Week, we have decided to retell the story of how... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
December 14, 2012

Student Decides He Suffers from ADHD after Taking Adderall

A University of Missouri student decided Sunday that he suffers from ADHD after taking a dosage of the drug adderall. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD, is a psychiatric and neurobehavioral disorder most commonly associated with inattentiveness. The disorder has grown in popularity over the last decade thanks to a combination of awareness for the... MORE »

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Article by connorc23
December 1, 2012

Migrant Workers Allegedly Hired to Fill in Football Seats

As the football season wound down, so did the turnout of fans pouring into the football stadium. While investigating this phenomenon, The University of Missouri was accused of hiring migrant workers from around Columbia to fill in remaining student section seats in hopes of tricking alumni into thinking that everyone still cared about the football... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
November 30, 2012

Chubby Student Insists That There Really is a “Mizzou 72”

A University of Missouri student was hospitalized Wednesday after being arrested for allegedly libeling Mizzou Dining. Tanner Bearington, a freshman at MU, was playing Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 in his dorm room when a S.W.A.T. team broke in. The team was working with the Columbia Police Department in a coagulated (syrupy) effort to... MORE »

Article by carolineoreilly
November 29, 2012

MU Basketball Players Actually Monstars

Columbia, Missouri- Scandal and college sports, it would seem, go hand in hand. During a routine pre-season blood test, the blood work of five members of the MU men’s basketball team came back clear of all substances. As if this fact wasn’t shocking enough on its own, it was uncovered that the five, all freshmen... MORE »

Article by natkirst
November 16, 2012

Top Ten Looks For Winter: They’re All Leggings and Boots

1.)  Leggings with boots- A quick, comfy way to bundle up for winter is to find a pair of basic leggings and throw on a pair of your cutest boots. This look is so popular right now you won’t be able to turn the corner without finding someone who looks just as cute as you... MORE »

Article by carolineoreilly
November 9, 2012

Romney Retaliates: GOP candidate buys Canada, leads supporters to the Promise Land

After losing Tuesday night’s presidential election, GOP candidate Willard “Mitt” Romney bought the pseudo-nation of Canada, renaming it “Romnasia” and calling upon his followers- the “good Republican people of America” to leave their homes and start a new life in the land known by many as “America’s backwoods.” “I’ve never seen him so angry before,... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
November 7, 2012

Obama Admits to Being Muslim Antichrist, Sets End of World Date

President Obama announced Wednesday that he really is the Antichrist and also happens to be a socialist Islamic terrorist, and set a date for the end of the world. Just after being reelected Tuesday night, the president addressed his hometown of Chicago, Ill., where he revealed his not-so-shocking secret. “It is true, my fellow Americans,... MORE »

Article by Chris Varney
November 7, 2012

Windows Media Player wins Florida’s Electoral Votes

The voting machine issues that once again plagued The Sunshine State this election seemed to have been resolved with the decision to award Florida’s 29 electoral votes to Windows Media Player. The default software won nearly 80% of the votes cast after Dieitalics Voting Systems employees accidentally left the “open at start-up box” checked-in. Many... MORE »

Article by drewthegoose
November 6, 2012

Local Satirist Too Busy to Write New Article

A satire writer at the University of Missouri announced Monday that he was “too busy” to write a new article. Anthony Dingleberry, a junior at MU, is the head editor and head writer for University Attic, a student-run satire blog. Dingleberry admitted in a press conference that his class and workload were too strenuous to... MORE »