Michael Bay announced Tuesday morning that he is set to
direct the fourth Transformers movie, promising that it will spend more time on
explosions and focus less on dialogue and plot.

The movie,
set to release in 2014, is the highly unanticipated follow-up to last year’s Transformers: Dark of the Moon. During a
press conference Friday, director Michael Bay was able to elaborate on his
plans for the movie. “We’ve found that critics don’t really like our movies,
but we still dominate the box office,” said the director. “With this in mind,
we decided to just skip writing a story altogether. Transformers 4 will be a
two-hour montage of robots and explosions.”

Collectively,
the first three Transformers movies
have grossed over $2 billion worldwide. However, Bay faces a huge obstacle as
far as casting is concerned. The director is faced with the task of replacing
the entire original cast, as none are signed on for the latest installment, which
includes lead-man Shia LeBeouf. “If it were up to me, I wouldn’t have any
actors at all. It’s like”¦they aren’t even robots,” Bay commented.

Campus
Basement was able to get an exclusive interview with Shia LeBeouf, where he
elaborated on the movie series. “I’m not really sure who’s going to replace
me,” he commented. “Who would I like to replace me? Umm, Ben Affleck or George
Clooney I guess.” He went on to say: “I’ve told you guys that my name isn’t
“Even Stevens.’ That was like ten years ago. Do you still call Macaulay Culkin
“Kevin’?” Kevin McAllister was not available for comment.

Many critics have shown their
skepticism regarding the “little-to-no plot” strategy, but director Bay isn’t
the least bit concerned. “Of course it’s an exaggeration ““ I’ve already got a
pretty good outline of where I want the story to go.” The director went on to
explain a rough outline: “So first the camera starts and there’s this chick
wearing some really tight jeans. She’s like, bending over and checking the
temperature of a kid, cuz like [sic], she’s a doctor.”

After a
thirty-minute description of what the character would be wearing, Bay finally
summarized the movie by saying that “We’ll probably change it up this time;
maybe there’ll be a conspiracy theory to blow up Earth or something and it’s up
to the Autobots to stop it.”

The budget
has not been released as of yet, but Bay has estimated that a budget of “a
gillion kajillion” is needed to cover all of the CGI, pyrotechnics, and
slow-motion cameras. Before the press could ask if Bay was serious about his
estimations, he stood up, threw his chair into the crowd, did what appeared to
be an impression of a Decepticon, and stormed off the stage.

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