Warner Brothers Studios announced this morning that
Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich will be played by Rosie
O’Donnell in an upcoming Biopic of the politician’s life.

O’Donnell,
famous for God knows what, is taking on her first movie role since 2000, when
she played “Octopus Masseuse” in The
Flinstones in Viva Rock Vegas
. “I’m very excited to get back into the movie
business. I hate conservatives, but I’ll take any opportunity for my acting
career to stay relevant.”

Many
bloggers and critics have questioned the studio’s decision to cast O’Donnell as
the lead role, but casting director Sven Jorgenson was set on his decision.
“Barbara Streisand did it in Yentl. Amanda
Bynes did it in She’s the Man. When
it really comes down to it, we felt that Rosie was the only actor who could
really shine in this role. That is of course after Bruce Vilanch turned us
down.”

The movie,
entitled Worm in Washington, is
slated to be released in the Fall of 2013. Early synopses suggest that the film
will start with the beginning of Newt’s political career, illustrate his time
spent as Speaker of the House, and will conclude with his current run at the
presidency. The film will chronicle the rise and fall (but mostly fall) of Newt
as Washington’s most famous coattail rider.

On the
campaign trail, Newt was available only for a few comments after his loss in
the Florida GOP primary. “I told you, I wanted to be played by Brad Pitt! I was
responsible for helping assist others in giving aid to President Reagan.”
Gingrich went on to say: “I led the charge against President Clinton’s
healthcare reform in the 90s. I WAS IN THE FUCKING TRENCHES. If that doesn’t
get you Brad Pitt, then I don’t know what does.”

The studio
has not yet released the names of other actors likely to appear in the film;
however rumors have been circulating about the possibility of a cyborg playing
the role of Mitt Romney. Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Superbad) has been linked to the role of Rick Santorum.

Movie
critic Roger Ebert was more than impressed with the decision to cast O’Donnell
as the lead role. “The parallels here are amazing. Newt was irrelevant before
the most recent presidential campaign, while Rosie isn’t relevant at all. Both
are terrifically unpopular. People may question the decision for a woman to
play a man, but Newt exhibits just enough femininity that he could easily pass
for a grumpy old grandmother.”

Before
Gingrich left the primary, he had one last comment on the biopic: “I don’t care
about Rosie, but you can put it down in your notes that I am personally
endorsing Tina Fey to play my first wife, Cameron Diaz to play my third wife,
and uh”¦see if we can get that chick from the T-Mobile commercials to play my middle
wife.”

Warner Brothers was not available
for a statement on the recommendations, however signs point towards an all-male
cast for Newt’s brides.

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