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Welcome to Missouri.
Columbia, Missouri- Scandal and college sports, it would seem, go hand in hand. During a routine pre-season blood test, the blood work of five members of the MU men’s basketball team came back clear of all substances. As if this fact wasn’t shocking enough on its own, it was uncovered that the five, all freshmen... MORE »
When a major politician seeks the legalization of marijuana, it speaks volumes to the millions of advocates nationwide. Millions more jump on board when a presidential nominee promises to eliminate all military engagements brought about in the last decade. For Ron Paul, this appeal to the masses has proven successful in the Iowa and New... MORE »
A dozen or so eager students arrived in the basement of the Medical Sciences Building last night with acoustic guitars and crumpled notebook pages heavy with the ink of fresh poetry. The sudden appearance of knit caps and Chuck Taylor’s amongst the sea of surgical scrubs and face masks surprised the med students, who were... MORE »
This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! So, it’s winter break, and it’s the awkward middle ground of the year. It’s right after the first semester when you really don’t know anyone, have... MORE »
So, I’ve been the target for frequent ghost attacks ever since I decided it was a good idea to do an Ouija board in front of a cemetery at three in the morning. Candles, friends, rain, creepy aspects all in line, I’m pretty sure that some ghost got really pissed off and decided to haunt... MORE »
A University of Missouri student and member of the Delta Kappa Rho sorority was shocked yesterday when she was not nominated for an Academy Award. Julie Anne Drew starred in “Sonata de Truman,” the 1790s-themed production of Delta Kappa Rho, Alpha Sigma Sigma, and Rho Rho Rho. Drew procrastinated her hospitality management homework... MORE »
Since announcing his candidacy for President, Sean “Jay-Z” Carter’s campaign has remained dormant. Today, Mr. Carter has come out with his main reasons for choosing to run for President and where he stands on many important issues that polarize the United States. “What you eat don’t make me shit,” Mr. Carter said. It is believed... MORE »
In the last few years, left-handed people everywhere rejoiced as their right to enter into marriage finally became legalized in states like Iowa and New York, and as their right to serve openly in the military became protected under President Obama. However, those rights are now under fresh assault. Previously, left-handed people were not allowed... MORE »
Schurz Residence Hall, on the east side of campus, has been under Code Orange quarantine status for over 15 days. Center for Disease Control (CDC) investigators and Mizzou Health officials have recently discovered the pathogen responsible for the outbreak, which at first was believed to be Scabies. “I... MORE »
It’s getting toward the end of the year, and my writers are getting bored as shit. So, this is what I’ve come up with to occupy their time. It’s a little contest I like to call, “The Biggest Bullshiter.” And yes, I’m aware that’s not grammatically correct. I’ve given each writer a mythical creature to... MORE »
On April 1, 2012 the Maneater, Mizzou’s primary newspaper, published their annual April Fools Edition. This year’s title: the Carpeteater. After years of doing an April Fools edition, their reign has come to an end with their latest edition of the Carpeteater. Not only did they throw in slurs toward women but managed to insult... MORE »
So, each week we propose ideas, we sit in our tiny little meeting room and attempt to make you and the rest of the people surfing the web show some teeth. These are all of the dunce pitches, the one who no one actually wants to write a story about but we feel as though... MORE »
I don’t know what this “Reason Rally” is, but apparently it’s a big party for atheists who enjoy spreading their words of wisdom…and…well, eating babies. MORE »
Cross country runner turns into pile of sticks Tiny dancer actually kind of fat Flat branch restaurant not actually frat branch, disappointed squirrel discovers Spanish turns out to be kind of a dick, no longer a romance language Local Satirist Runs Out of Ideas Smug Pile of Rags Mistaken For Journalism Student Mac pulls partnership... MORE »
In a recent interview presidential candidate Rick Santorum said, “The indoctrination that is going on at the university level is a harm to our country.” After hearing these wise words thousands of students around the world rebelled against their institutions all with the campaign, “Puppets no more!” Santorum is widely known to have a concrete... MORE »
“dead cats” (Vegas bound&gaggd) Date: 2012-02-11, 12:46PM CST I have a box full of them Anybody know a good place to dispose em? Well, Craigslist has hit a new creepy low. Let’s analyze. 1. Headline; dead cats.- I don’t like where this is going. 2. Vegas bound and Gaggd- uh.. so apparently this guy has... MORE »
Since the dawn of unathleticism and staggering bitterness, web cretins have used memes (pictures of people/animals, each with a distinct and odd personality), to convey their wittiness to the great wasteland that is the Internet. For instance, the Insanity Wolf meme: a picture of a crazed wolf’s head embossed on a black-and-white background. Insanity Wolf’s... MORE »
Dorial Greene-Beckham, Mizzou’s new football pride and joy, may have gotten most of the recognition, but he wasn’t the only one recently picked up by Mizzou. Mizzou also received the ESPNU’s 387th ranked player, Gene Troust, and he claims he deserves recognition as well. “I have worked so hard to play football in college, and... MORE »
We all have our pet peeves. For some, it’s mayonnaise. For some, it’s the morning after a rough night when all you want is a water bottle. And for others, it’s the mirror pictures that 11-year-olds post to show their mosquito bites. For me, it’s when the gay community is disrespected. In my hometown of... MORE »