Like Nazis looking to persecute ‘undesirables’, the Mizzou Parking Service employees are equally eager to slap parking tickets on financially unstable students. The comparisons are uncanny, and recent eyewitness reports suggest the terminology is not too off par.
Several undergraduate students walking by the office for Mizzou Parking reported hearing, “loud German” and the “clicking of boots followed by what sounded like an aggressive salute.” Among the German, the students heard “Ja, Mein Führer” and “Jawohl” (pronounced YAH-vole).
After further investigation, it appears the Mizzou Parking Service recently promoted Rudolf Biermann to ‘Festungoberwerkmeister’. A quick Wikipedia search reveals that kind of promotional rank has not been used since 1945 by the Germans.
“Calling them Nazis doesn’t sound too off beat,” junior Renee Stallone said. “I always thought their methodology was facist. I mean they make $5 million a year on parking tickets alone. You don’t get that way without being ruthless and taking money from poor college students.”
Parking Services did not repsond to our request for comment. One report suggests the division of Transportation is planning a press conference in the near future. That same report says it will be held in front of the columns in the historic Francis Quadrangle with numerous flags and a red carpet.
Author’s Note: For the love of God, this is satire. The holocaust was a horrible experience and in no way am I trying to downplay or dishonor the people who lived through those horrors.