Few things are more mediocre than Campus Dining. Their standards are low, and as long as less than 30% of the students contract salmonella, all is generally well. The food is to remain edible and the service staff are to wash their hands most of the time after using the rest room. But past that, there’s not too much they strive for.
That is, until now.
Starting at the beginning of the Fall 2012 semester, Campus Dining will renovate the popular shitty Mexican restaurant Baja Grill and rename it “Le Baj.” Le Baj is planned to be an upscale shitty Mexican restaurant at which students may use their meal points.
“We were trying to think of what our students really needed, and we decided that mediocre, cheap Mexican food probably wasn’t it,” Campus Dining Director Matt Beal said. “We thought they probably needed mediocre, expensive Mexican food more.”
Per the plan, the recipes are all to stay the same, but the prices are to be tripled. As well, the lights will all be turned to half power, and the restaurant will exclusively play Michael Buble. The TV will no longer show ESPN or any other sporting events. Instead, a 26 second video of a fireplace will be played on a loop from opening until close.
“This is, quite honestly, what I think we’ve always needed as a school,” Freshman Jacob Stans said. “I can’t take girls to dates at Plaza anymore.”
Aside from accommodating the flirtatious and sexually active subset of the student body, the restaurant would also serve as a great place for the less suave.
“It’ll be a great place for those nerdy fucks to hold business meetings or whatever,” Hunter Stone, a junior assistant manager said. “They can sit around and talk about magic cards or something.”
Though Campus Dining is certain that Le Baj will appeal to everyone, they are still working out some of the logistics in their plan. Included in this are a host of other changes to the restaurant.
“It goes without saying that we’re implementing a dress code, but the question becomes how fancy,” Beal said. “Another problem we’re having is whether we want to have waiters and waitresses or continue to just shout students names as loudly as we can.”
Despite the fact that the method of food delivery is a work in progress, Beal guarantees that the food will take at least two to three times as long. According to him, this will help them fit into their niche better.
Other announced changes include a mandatory 15 to 75 minute wait for a table will be instituted between 4 and 8 on Monday through Thursday, 4-11 on Friday and Saturday, and 5-8 on Sunday.
“It makes it feel real special that way,” Stone said. “None of that “instant gratification’ shit. You’ll never appreciate a quesadilla more in your life.”
In the coming months, more details are expected to appear, such as how the food will be presented and how much gratuity will be automatically calculated into the bill.