A recent study conducted at the University of Missouri revealed that the best way to explain the current economic European crisis to uninformed Americans is by putting the issues in terms of the cuisines native to each country.

Ben Beyer, the head researcher for the study, suggested that the findings demonstrate how little Americans know about foreign cultures. “We would have each participant read a story in the New York Times about the crisis, and about 95% showed no signs of comprehension afterwards,” said Beyer. “But when we began to explain things in terms of ‘meatballs’ or ‘gyros’ instead of ‘bonds’ or ‘debt’, understanding began to take place.”

The most recent economic crisis in the European Union has spawned more anger and resentment than Nickelodeon’s “Rugrats: All Grown Up!” Sammy Johnson, a sophomore at the university, said that food has always helped her understand difficult issues. “When I was younger I always had trouble with algebra,” said Johnson. “Once I started thinking of the numbers in terms of food, I got straight A’s. Instead of the Pythagorean Theorem, I called it the ‘pancake syrup.’”

Other students expressed interest in learning more about the European crisis after breaking past the initial translation barrier. “I had trouble comprehending what a lot of the words in the Times articles meant,” said Jerome Simpson, a junior at MU. “I get it now though. Spain wasn’t able to afford all of the tacos that they wanted, and because of that, Germany will be giving them as many brats as they’ll need.”

While Simpson was able to understand the economic concept at its most basic level, it was plain to see that he knew nothing about Spanish culture, because tacos are a traditional Mexican dish.

Germany appears to be the one shining star in an otherwise void universe of European moochers. German economists expect the latest recession to last longer than a Nickelback video on a VH1 Top 20 Countdown, which suggests that German taxpayers are gonna make it alright, but not right now.

“You’ve gotta feel for the Germans,” said Simpson. “One minute they’re sitting on top of a mountain of kraut and sausage and the next it’s all being given away to Italy or Greece. And what do they get in return? A bunch of IOUs!” Simpson later went on to say, “If everyone cared and nobody cried about the economy, the world would be a better place.”

The study shows a growing American awareness for global issues, as many students are beginning to realize that the Euro crisis could hurt the economy at home. “I’m just worried that if we don’t take action, we’ll lose all of our hamburgers and chicken fingers,” said Beyer. “Or worse – they’ll take the most American food we’ve got: Chinese food.”

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