A University of Missouri student reportedly received a passing grade in Microeconomics 1014 this for the spring semester, and in turn submitted his solution to the recent economic woes that have plagued the country.
Matt Slydel, a sophomore at the university, earned a B- in Micro after having studied an astounding thirty minutes before his final. “If we’re being honest here, I didn’t even remember that I had the test,” said the sophomore. “I was out at Truman Pond, remembered, and then rushed to Ellis to cram beforehand. And yes I took the exam in swim trunks.”
After enduring the entire semester with the Liam Neeson of economics, the notorious Sharon Ryan, Slydel arose as the most knowledgeable economist in the entire world. “It’s really no surprise that he fixed the economy,” said Ryan. “All he had to do was go to every single class – no one ever does.” When asked why she never fixed the economy herself, Ryan said that she “was too busy researching neuticals.”
Officials in Washington received Slydel’s solution to the broken economy late Monday night, spurring a late-night session of congress that pushed the proposition through immediately. “It was really a no-brainer once we sat down and looked at it,” said Congressman Jay Nichols. “His solution was so simple and elegant – supply and demand, marginal cost and benefit – who knew that’s all it took to fix the economy?”
The fix is expected to turn the economy around faster than audiences leaving an Adam Sandler movie. Early estimates put the US earning more than a hundred gabrillion dollars over the next two years.
When asked the details of his solution, Slydel admitted that it was mostly just vocabulary and basic concepts. “Yea I just put a shit-ton of vocab words in there, slapped a cover page on that bad boy, and mailed it to Obama,” said the sophomore. “I think that the key was finding the best piece of clipart to put on the front, that dollar sign really tied the whole presentation together.”
President Obama, now known as The Big Meh, was more than pleased with the solution. “When we got the plan, the first thought that went through my head was ‘Alright I’ve got a fistful of taxpayer dollars, who should I bail out?’” said Obama. “But once I saw that it was all vocab terms and stuff, I was really confused still, because it didn’t say anything about bailouts.” The president later went on to make his picks for the 2013 NCAA basketball tournament, compete in a DJ duel with musician/alien Skrillex, and cure a child’s cancer just by inspiring hope.
Slydel was flown out to D.C. early Tuesday morning in order to make an appearance at the president’s annual dunk/homerun-hitting contest. “I was more than honored to get to compete in the contest,” said Slydel. “I got ripped off for the economy fix though; all I got was a plaque and an Obama football card, signed by Joe Biden.”