Rudyard Bowen, a sophomore at MU, claims that he has been a business major for the last two years. While the University isn’t allowed to yield sensitive information, friends of Bowen say that the evidence against his claim is overwhelming.
“I’m a business major myself, and I haven’t seen Rudy in a single class for the last two years,” sophomore and roommate Frank Wurst said. “I’m convinced now that he isn’t on the same team as the rest of us.”
Bowen, from the St. Louis area, said that coincidences have allowed him to go unnoticed in class from the rest of his friends.
“I love business, man!” Bowen said. “I was all up in this business class the other day, and I was like, really nailing it, you know?”
When career orientation issues come into play, the university maintains a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy in order to leave it to the individual to explore their orientation options. While this may seem like a viable option, some friends of Bowen’s have suggested that an intervention might be necessary.
“I don’t really care whether he’s into business or not,” junior Kelly Steinmann said. “I just wish we could end all of the speculation and he could come out and admit that he’s a journalism major.”
A career orientation outing can be a very significant and sometimes scarring event in a young person’s life. Often students come into college very confused about what they want to do, and how they want to do it.
“Some people think it’s a choice, what your career orientation will be,” sociology professor Eric Brown said. “But studies show more and more that your orientation is from a mixture of genetics and environment. This young man is obviously very conflicted.”
For Wurst, the worst came after he and Bowen discussed a marketing test.
“I got back and he was already home and he shut his computer really quickly,” Wurst said. “I asked him how the test went, he said that he ‘f—ed the s— out of it,’ which is weird because he mentioned to me the other day how flaccid he thinks marketing is.”
While some appear to be in favor of Bowen coming out, others are more reluctant to know the truth.
“I wouldn’t talk to him anymore, that’s for sure,” friend Homer Phobic said. “According to Ezekiel 23:19-20, God made everyone so that they could be business majors. Anything else is a sin against His will.”
For the time being, Bowen has chosen to remain silent on the issue.
“I just wish people would stop reading in to this kind of stuff so much,” Bowen said. “It’s not like me being a business or journalism major would be similar in any way at all to any other issues that plague our society today, right?”