Sparks flew last Tuesday between Mizzou’s respected Collegiate Horsemen’s association and the newly instated Brony club. It started as an argument over Pinky Pie and her relevance to horse grooming culture and standards, but quickly escalated into an all out brawl in the horse stables behind Hatch Hall. There were no fatalities, though several horse fanatics, of both the real and animated kind, were admitted into the University Hospital late Thursday night.
Tensions began with the creation of the Brony club earlier this year. The news that there was a new club for horse fanatics hit the Collegiate Horsemen’s Association hard, threatened by the prospect of having the illustrious title of premiere equine community on campus taken away from them.
Promptly after hearing about their new competition, CHA posted a Facebook status that read:
“They’re aren’t even real horses. Those total posers have no idea what it is like to care for another creature. What is special about our club and what has made us stand out as a top-notch org is our labor of love. Call me when one of those Bronies is knee deep in Twilight Sparkle’s fecal matter. Then, maybe I’ll give them the time of day.”
In the true spirit of one of their beloved mascots, Rainbow Dash, the Bronies responded with vim and vigor. The club’s Facebook page commented on William’s status defending themselves:
“Dude, you are acting just like Trixie from MLP:FiM, 1×06: Boast Busters. She was obsessed with being known as the most magical pony in Ponyville, and ended up humiliated. If you had a moral guide like we do, you wouldn’t be acting so foolish.”
All seemed to be over until a chance meeting in front of Yogoluv Thursday afternoon. Club members were easily identified, the bronies sporting their signature “Brony” t-shirts, the CHA men wearing blazers and riding boots. Witnesses report that expletives were said and there was a lot of pointing and possibly some aggressive neighing. It was then that they made plans to brawl later that night at a well-known stable.
“I didn’t really know what we were getting into,” said CHA member Tony Thomas, “I think we all expected the Bronies to bring their friendship is magic shit and try and fight with the power of love and sparkles. Needless to say we were all more than surprised when they showed up with brass knuckles and small knives.”
15 CHA members and 3 bronies were admitted to the hospital that night, making the newcomers the clear victor in this skirmish. The CHA has taken their loss in stride, and has even embraced the conflict.
“Even though we got our hineys handed to us, it was still fun!” said Thomas “I think we should make it a yearly thing, maybe get some kind of trophy. Yeah, a trophy would be real nice.”
What began as a bitter dispute between horse lovers on opposite sides of spectrum has promise to become one of the greatest and most beloved rivalries Mizzou has ever known.