The National Football League’s ongoing investigation of the New Orleans Saints’ bounty program has discovered that infamous bounty hunter, Boba Fett, was contacted multiple times by head coach Sean Peyton. Under the dubious program, not enough players were being injured at the hands of the Saints, which upset the coaching staff. While the signing of intergalactic warriors is not forbidden or even mentioned specifically in the NFL’s rulebook, commissioner Roger Goodell warned that the league would come down hard on the organization.
“Although we are pleased to know that other galaxies are taking an interest in our sport, we cannot risk any intergalactic dealings,” Goodell said. “Our sources have informed us that Fett is wanted for murder on over 23 planets.”
Fett’s agent stated Sunday night that their party would consider taking legal action against the league should Fett indeed not be allowed to play. With over 94 billion light years traveled to reach Earth, the cost to return Fett home would be detrimental to the league’s financial standing. Fett believes that his questionable past should not be held over his head.
“The idea that having an ‘alleged’ killer in the league would hurt its image is absolutely absurd,” Fett said. “If you look around the league today, guys like Ray Lewis and Donte Stallworth are doing great things on the field and in the community.”
The citizens of New Orleans warmly met news of Fett’s potential arrival. Parades were already in the works, giving the city another reason to stay drunk. In a city still ravaged by crime, any new distractions are embraced with open arms.
“With the bounty program, we have brought the crime off of the streets, and onto the playing field,” one fan stated. “If we had Boba Fett here to kill people on the playing field, we would have less of an urge to kill each other off the playing field.”