This Spring semester, hundreds of Mizzou students will pack their luggage along with their preconceived notions and fly off to exotic locales, where they will be immersed in a different culture as part of the study abroad program. Whether it’s sipping Bordeaux in France or zip-lining in Brazil, these students are guaranteed new experiences as they fumble to communicate with the language proficiency they supposedly earned in high school. However, dozens of students this year plan to use their passports to leave Missouri for the concrete rainforests of New York.

“I saw protests in Libya, Egypt, New York, Moscow”¦ I just figured that if I wanted to go to an unstable country, the closest was New York,” junior Dale Dingus explained. Dingus hopes to cover civil unrest as part of his journalism capstone. “Plus, I feel like I’m less likely to get arrested for being white there.”

Students are also travelling to New York out of deference to their xenophobia, an admittedly less than ideal reason. Fratstar and Reagan supporter, Brad Brown, admits to his misunderstanding of other cultures.

“My dad wanted me to study abroad. But I figured I’m already in the best country in the world ““ “MERICA. Where else could my dad make millions opening his own chain of fast food shacks specializing in deep-fried Little Debbie Snack Cakes? Plus, that’s where the 1% lives.”

Other students have chosen to study abroad a little closer to home simply because they couldn’t make up their minds about where to go.

Sophomore Brad Broseph explained his decision to study abroad just a few states away.

“At first, I was like, all about China, since I love Panda Express and P.F. Changs. But then, I was like, wait man, you like pasta too. So then I thought Italy. But then I thought ““ what do I like more than anything in the world? Beer. So Germany. But then I realized that French girls were the hottest, so I should go to France. Then I realized there was somewhere I could have all the food, all the beer, and all the French ass I could possibly want. New York City, bro,” Broseph stated.

Students have also chosen New York merely to appease their fears.

Ellie Anderson, sophomore, thought her phobia of flying would prevent her from experiencing another culture.

“I always wanted to travel abroad,” Anderson explained. “But I break out in hives and start hysterically screaming every time I see an airplane. Turns out people get upset on airplanes if you do that, particularly if you’re wearing a very audible watch. Now, I can take the train to New York. I figure if I wander around Little Russia and speak very bad Russian very loudly, it’s basically the same thing as being in St. Petersburg.”