Syllabus Week

University of Missouri

Jan 14 ““ Jan 26, 2012

Professor: Captain
Morgan

Time: 24/7

Location: Anywhere

Office Hours:
8 PM ““ 4 AM every day

Course Description: This one-week course is designed to test the dedication of every
student. It involves drinking copious
amounts of alcohol, partying until you can’t remember your own name, waking up
in the morning not feeling like P. Diddy, and somehow managing to drag yourself
to class. Depending on the student, this
can be an every other day, or daily, event.

In this time period you will
learn:

- Your limits

-
How to calmly
leave a lecture hall in order to yak

-
What it really
means to have no shame

-
That mixed drinks
are not always very mixed

-
The opposite sex
always looks better through beer goggles

-
“Beer before
liquor never sicker” is true ““ unless you have Congress first

-
Sometimes the
best cure for a hangover is to drink more

-
It is possible to
go to an 8 AM class on three hours of sleep and still drunk

-
The joys of
caffeine 

Required Materials:

-
Alcohol

Grading:

A: no puking, attend at least
90% of classes, hook up with the hottie from the party, wake up in your own bed

B: puke a little bit but aim
for the toilet, attend at least 80% of classes, have a strong sense of what
happened the night before

C: puke throughout the night,
have several stained articles of clothing, don’t remember how you got bruises,
brown out

D: puke throughout the night
and after waking up the following morning, attend at least 60% of classes, wake
up in a complete stranger’s bed

F: puke on someone, attend
50% or less of classes, black out, wake up on the bathroom floor

* Grades can be curved due to
special events such as dancing on tables, winning strip poker, etc.

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