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Reasons I Love Living in Missouri….
Saw this license plate on the way to the airport. #prolifeswag!
Columbia, Missouri- Scandal and college sports, it would seem, go hand in hand. During a routine pre-season blood test, the blood work of five members of the MU men’s basketball team came back clear of all substances. As if this fact wasn’t shocking enough on its own, it was uncovered that the five, all freshmen... MORE »
This week, CBS News reported that *Missouri was the eleventh fattest state* (*Make this a hyperlink to the news story*) in the continental U.S., as well as the entire union. As expected, many state and federal law makers were upset with the unflattering distinction. The number 11 tag shows a continuing, frustrating trend within Missouri:... MORE »
Carefully checking her makeup using the selfie-mode of her iPhone 4s, Mary hides behind a trash can, lying in wait for the moment when Freshmen tight end Jack (whose name has been changed for his own personal safety) leaves his room, at which point she will pop up and accidentally bump into him, thus striking... MORE »
Few things are more mediocre than Campus Dining. Their standards are low, and as long as less than 30% of the students contract salmonella, all is generally well. The food is to remain edible and the service staff are to wash their hands most of the time after using the rest room. But past that,... MORE »
Alright guys, lets play a game. Everyone knows that the advertising industry is generally pretty slanted, they have to be. Heck, they won’t ever sell anything if they aren’t (I mean really, who gives a shit about the Forever Lazy and it’s ass flap?). The advertisers play directly to what the public is watching. A... MORE »
A student at the University of Missouri experienced the worst-recorded instance of mudbutt in history during his first midterm examination. Dalton Croggs, a sophomore at Mizzou, reported the incident Thursday after his exam ended at 3:50 p.m. Doctors at the Student Health Center treated Croggs and noticed that his underwear had suffered severe damage. Mudbutt,... MORE »
In recent weeks, multiple studies have been published and widely publicized about how Red Meat relates to the mortality rate of those who consume it. The study showed that eating unprocessed Red Meat raised the mortality risk by 13% and processed by 20%. However, yesterday a far more troubling study was released: the mortality rate... MORE »
Wash U’s police force, WUPD, reached new levels of strictness on Saturday night, breaking up a one-man party. Fred Fredrickson, a transfer student, was uninformed of WashU’s newly instated “No Fun” policies. The current police state reigning over Wash U’s social circle left Fred alone, confused, but ready to party. “I just didn’t understand why absolutely... MORE »
Dear Girl who Laughs too much in class: I hate you. That’s really all there is to it. The professor is not that funny, and I’m sure he isn’t even flattered at this point. Your laugh is so loud, so obnoxious and nasally, it makes me sick to the stomach, an infectious cacophony of horridness. This isn’t... MORE »
There was a horse-drawn carriage on campus today (it might still be roaming around if you wanna chase it). See the photo for confirmation. I can’t be the only person at WashU wondering what in the world that was doing here. These are my thoughts on what the administration must’ve been thinking when they approved... MORE »
Everyone’s got that girl…she lives in your building, on your floor, is in one of your classes. You see her everywhere and she refuses to acknowledge your existence. Here’s my ode to you. We’ve all got one, in spring through fall,The evil girl from down the hall.She may be short, or maybe tall,The evil girl... MORE »
Apparently, water cups are the new gold. Only some have them, everybody wants them””although you don’t need gold to live”¦so I guess water cups are better. Twelve students were found unconscious this afternoon in Whispers and the Greater Olin Library area due to the new restrictive water-cup policy on campus. Their bodies were resuscitated with... MORE »
With students returning to school frantic for a good time (we all know Christmas Vacation gets quite boring), the commencement of fraternity rush stomps all over the fun WashU students are supposed to be having at the beginning of a new semester. While the workload is still manageable enough for students to explore hedonistic exploits... MORE »
There are plenty of questions that bother Wash U students. We’re a sensitive group. Whether it be confusing Washington University with similarly named state schools, thinking that our athletics are division one or that our social life is hedonistic…it all pisses us off. Here are some of our (least) favorite questions presented to a typical,... MORE »
In my limited experience, intellect has been accompanied by procrastination. Hard workers have wandering minds, a budding curiosity to explore the unknown. Often, hard workers need to take breaks from busting ass with stents of wasted time: hours spent on both obscure and mainstream websites, looking at photos of their friends (for the 100th time”¦),... MORE »
The seconds ticked rapidly towards midnight that evening. It was the eve of one of those devilish Wash U Monday’s when, for some reason, all professors decide to assign something major for the weekend. And there I was, alone, isolated in a top floor library cubicle, diving into analytical essays, while simultaneously reviewing statistical concepts... MORE »
Do you see something off about this photograph? Do you merely recognize some co-eds have a good time, enjoying a pregame before Linus, a large off-campus philanthropic party? Or do you spot something lurking in the back? A strange, slightly upsetting expression. A dark hole of rebellion. It’s THE FACE. Here is my brief,... MORE »