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Reasons I Love Living in Missouri….
Saw this license plate on the way to the airport. #prolifeswag!
Columbia, Missouri- Scandal and college sports, it would seem, go hand in hand. During a routine pre-season blood test, the blood work of five members of the MU men’s basketball team came back clear of all substances. As if this fact wasn’t shocking enough on its own, it was uncovered that the five, all freshmen... MORE »
This week, CBS News reported that *Missouri was the eleventh fattest state* (*Make this a hyperlink to the news story*) in the continental U.S., as well as the entire union. As expected, many state and federal law makers were upset with the unflattering distinction. The number 11 tag shows a continuing, frustrating trend within Missouri:... MORE »
Massive confusion abounded last Thursday at Jesse Hall among lovers of the Shakespearean art form of rappery. Thousands of students piled in to the auditorium expecting to listen to the soft, whiney crooning of Jay Sean’s “baby, are you down, down, down, down, down.” What they got, however, was nothing of the sort. Big... MORE »
5. Tornado Siren: They will cock their head, collect their valuables and move to the basement. 4. Someone Logging in to AOL: They patiently wait for “the AOL guy” to say you’ve got mail. When he doesn’t, they will say, “Someones probably using the phone, that’s why it’s taking so long.” 3. The TV: “Honey! The sound... MORE »
Merman, man, Merman. That’s all you need to know. No, he doesn’t have the black lung, and no, wetness isn’t the essence of beauty. Although, this merman is beautiful, he began his legacy as a young boy. From the days as a young guppy, this merman was doing as some might consider, “making plays.” While... MORE »
After compiling all the facts of the case and arresting Christopher Kelly, who turned himself in after being caught on nearly every single camera in the library (most of them catching detailed shots of his facial features), Mizzou police have confirmed Kelly is completely nuts. According the police report*, Kelly set 10 different fires... MORE »
Things for St. Louis continue to suck. The residents discovered late Sunday evening that someone other than Albert Pujols has little interest in the city or the fans in general. Oklahoma State’s all-star wide receiver Justin Blackmon has announced that he is demanding a trade from the St. Louis Rams. This came as a bit... MORE »
Last Thursday night Freshman Doyle Matheson admitted in conversation with a member of the opposite sex that he was “really into sports.” “Ladies love guys that are really into sports,” said Matheson, “which explains why I get it in on the regs.” As evidence of his love of sports, Matheson receives ESPN updates to his... MORE »
Wash U’s police force, WUPD, reached new levels of strictness on Saturday night, breaking up a one-man party. Fred Fredrickson, a transfer student, was uninformed of WashU’s newly instated “No Fun” policies. The current police state reigning over Wash U’s social circle left Fred alone, confused, but ready to party. “I just didn’t understand why absolutely... MORE »
Dear Girl who Laughs too much in class: I hate you. That’s really all there is to it. The professor is not that funny, and I’m sure he isn’t even flattered at this point. Your laugh is so loud, so obnoxious and nasally, it makes me sick to the stomach, an infectious cacophony of horridness. This isn’t... MORE »
There was a horse-drawn carriage on campus today (it might still be roaming around if you wanna chase it). See the photo for confirmation. I can’t be the only person at WashU wondering what in the world that was doing here. These are my thoughts on what the administration must’ve been thinking when they approved... MORE »
Everyone’s got that girl…she lives in your building, on your floor, is in one of your classes. You see her everywhere and she refuses to acknowledge your existence. Here’s my ode to you. We’ve all got one, in spring through fall,The evil girl from down the hall.She may be short, or maybe tall,The evil girl... MORE »
Apparently, water cups are the new gold. Only some have them, everybody wants them””although you don’t need gold to live”¦so I guess water cups are better. Twelve students were found unconscious this afternoon in Whispers and the Greater Olin Library area due to the new restrictive water-cup policy on campus. Their bodies were resuscitated with... MORE »
With students returning to school frantic for a good time (we all know Christmas Vacation gets quite boring), the commencement of fraternity rush stomps all over the fun WashU students are supposed to be having at the beginning of a new semester. While the workload is still manageable enough for students to explore hedonistic exploits... MORE »
There are plenty of questions that bother Wash U students. We’re a sensitive group. Whether it be confusing Washington University with similarly named state schools, thinking that our athletics are division one or that our social life is hedonistic…it all pisses us off. Here are some of our (least) favorite questions presented to a typical,... MORE »
In my limited experience, intellect has been accompanied by procrastination. Hard workers have wandering minds, a budding curiosity to explore the unknown. Often, hard workers need to take breaks from busting ass with stents of wasted time: hours spent on both obscure and mainstream websites, looking at photos of their friends (for the 100th time”¦),... MORE »
The seconds ticked rapidly towards midnight that evening. It was the eve of one of those devilish Wash U Monday’s when, for some reason, all professors decide to assign something major for the weekend. And there I was, alone, isolated in a top floor library cubicle, diving into analytical essays, while simultaneously reviewing statistical concepts... MORE »
Do you see something off about this photograph? Do you merely recognize some co-eds have a good time, enjoying a pregame before Linus, a large off-campus philanthropic party? Or do you spot something lurking in the back? A strange, slightly upsetting expression. A dark hole of rebellion. It’s THE FACE. Here is my brief,... MORE »