Who’s that “Biggest Bullshitter”? It’s Abominable Snowman! (Koffing!)
Abominable Snowman is a Fiscally Conservative but Socially Liberal type Pokemon. Abominable Snowman are birds in the family Laridae. They are the largest and also the most tall of all Pokemon, or more accurately: they are not, being of average relative height and weight.
“A kewl brew and an Abominable Snawsage are all I need.”- Oscar Wilde.
Abominable Snowman evolves into Upper Management Level Material with a Moon Stone. Abominable Snowman just ended a long relationship with a girl he thought was “the one”.
“JDate don’t pick no fools,” the Abominable Snowman would say to comfort himself as his once happy relationship crumbled suddenly in front of his dumb, Abominable face. The worst part is how painfully obvious the inevitability of the break up seems in retrospect.
First came denial.
“I don’t need anyone to love me to enjoy Doritos and Firefly!” the Abominable Snowman would lie to himself at odd hours of weekday mornings when he was sure his roommate was asleep.
But 13 episodes only last so long, no matter how awesome they are. The Abominable Snowman settled uncomfortably into a loveless marriage with the first woman he met after college who would return his phone calls. Children were out of the question. Feeling like the punch line to some elaborate, cosmic joke, the Abominable Snowman re-reads incredulously the results of his fertility report.
“But I avoided microwaves and wore boxers!” The Abominable Snowman yells to the black void of dark garage wall, his most visited audience. The mystery remains unsolved to this day. If you or anyone you know has any information on this or any case shown today, call the Unsolved Mysteries hotline.
UPDATE: Thanks to a tip from our viewers, The Abominable Snowman discovered that the fertility report was a forgery prepared by a doctor with whom his wife was having an affair. Since our story first aired, The Abominable Snowman has separated from his wife and now enjoys a successful career with the Miami-Dade Police Department in the forensics unit.
“The Abominable Snowman, come here. Look at these remains! It looks these remains are of a cow, but they’re scattered everywhere, like it exploded!” Detective Sanchez said as The Abominable Snowman walked over to the scene and surveyed the scattered bovine parts with a calm and practiced eye.
“I know what caused this explosion,” said The Abominable Snowman removing his sunglasses, “it was abominable.”