The King of the University of Michigan campus basement this month, has to be, could be nothing other than, must be declared: the squirrel society of the Ann Arbor area. With this wimpy wisp of a winter nobody has benefited more than the squirrels.

After spending months of preparation: finding nuts, hiding nuts, defending nuts, going nuts, etc. nuts, nothing happened. Rather than fight for survival, squirrels were able to just sit back, relax, and gorge themselves. With the soil freezing only two memorable times, digging up buried acorns was a joke compared to former winters.

A local squirrel enthusiast had this to say, “I noticed around early February [pre-spring break] that the squirrels were looking fatter than normal. A fat ass squirrel is a happy ass squirrel”.

A fatter squirrel population means less aggressive squirrels, which profits the squirrel watching community in Ann Arbor. The University of Michigan Squirrel Club was a close second for kingship this month, but because their gain was purely entertainment, and the squirrels benefited on a survival level; the squirrels prevailed.

Congratulations Ann Arbor Squirrels, you are now kings; fat ass, bushy tailed kings, and nobody, NOBODY, can take or bust that nut away from you.

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