Due to an unprecedented number of complaints, the capping course has been removed from the requirements for business majors. Surveys indicate that 94% of business majors felt that the capping course was “too much work.”
The course, in which students analyze a company and then write a paper about their findings, was deemed “far too difficult” by Dean Alexander of the School of Management. “We can’t expect our students to write up a 20-page paper during their senior year after they spent the three years prior doing little to no work. It’s a ludicrous idea!”
“It took me almost two days to write up my paper,” said alumnus Robert Jefferson. “It was the most work I had ever done at Marist and, quite frankly, I was not happy about it. You can only use Wikipedia so much before you have to start forming your own ideas. Not cool, Marist.”
Students outside of the School of Management, however, were not as enthusiastic about the change. Stephen White, a Computer Science major, said, “I had to write a 90-page paper about how a computer chip works and these fuckers can’t handle a 20-pager about why J.P. Morgan Chase has a lot of money? Bullshit.”
Marist officials could not be reached for comment. Because we did not try to reach them.