November 5, 2011 marks the day that made me lose faith in humanity for good. For the like, I don’t know, three of you on campus without smart phones, here’s a word to the wise: don’t mass text booty-call, we can see the other people you fucking texted. The charming fellow in the screenshot above was clearly feeling the effects of the spirits he had consumed a little too early that night and decided to send out the always romantic “Hey babe, what you doin” feeler text before 11pm.

Normally I would feel slightly guilty for exploiting the drunken mistakes of some idiot for the entire Internet world to see, but this guy has had it coming for four years. As some background info, I have never even so much as made out with this individual, let alone interacted with his penis in any way, shape, or form that would indicate it was socially acceptable for him to make me one of the ten recipients of a pathetic booty-call. I attended two date parties with him freshman year, one of which he told me was ‘ugly sweater’ themed (it wasn’t). I showed up to said date party looking like Rosie O’Donnell, and he proceeded to act annoyed when I made him take me home to change. Me feeling humiliated and him not caring ensues.

Probably the most important thing validating me posting this, however, is the fact that we haven’t had meaningful, casual, or even acquaintance-like conversation in 3.5 years. Like I will occasionally see him at Leon’s, and for the five-second period it takes me to exit his line of vision, he makes weird eye contact with me and says nothing. So really, I’m pretty shocked that he thinks I would respond to this text in the first place, even if I did think I was the only object of his desire that evening. I hope for the sake of not setting back women’s liberation a hundred years that his efforts were fruitless beyond the super sexy and playful response from the 216 number, “Hellooo.”

So this blurb is my cheers to you, Pedro. Hopefully this goes viral and you learn your lesson.

Also, props to the 610 number for the call out. To the 216 area code… you’ll pick up on it eventually, sweetie.