“No way dude, I fucked
[insert name of almost any girl on campus] too! We’re Eskimo bros!” For those
of you who live with your head up your ass, the term Eskimo brothers applies “when
two males acknowledge having been intimate with the same female and remain on
good terms, the men are now bonded by having shared the same igloo at one time
or another,” according to urban dictionary.
Every single week, I hear this exact exchange
occur between friends, and every time it’s different guys talking about a
different girl. I don’t mean to say the girl’s here are sluts, because usually after
freshmen year most of them wise up and stop humping anything that moves. Nor do
guys intentionally try to hook up with girls that their friends have been with
because that would be almost as creepy as partying at the baseball house.
The fact is that Lehigh is a relatively small
university, and as outrageously boisterous as Greek life is, it’s even smaller.
Relationships on campus are at an all time low, probably because everyone is
trying to bang as much as possible before the world ends next year. Or maybe
people avoid relationships because girls don’t want their boyfriends knowing
what their friends look like naked. Either way, this leaves no choice but to hookup
with someone different every couple of weeks, even if they have been around the
block”¦ several times.
Sorry ladies, but it’s a two way street. I admit,
us guys may be huge douchebag, assholes sometimes, but you are half the party. Thankfully
though, there are equal opportunities for both sexes. Students who are extremely
fortunate have the possibility of becoming “brotherized” or “sisterized.” No, this
isn’t some ritual that involves a sacrificial ceremony or animal rape, get your
head out of the gutter. Depending on the varying qualifications, this status is
achieved when one person has slept with enough people in one house or one
specific pledgeclass of the opposite sex to be deemed an honorary brother or
sister””the least (or most, depending on your mindset) sought out reputation
With this week being Lehigh/Laf, sexual
connections being developed will be higher than those stoners in your Friday
recitation. Whether it’s the constant flow of the grain train, the
surplus amount of brocaine, or the fact that tests just ended, everyone is
horny, and everyone just wants to get fucked. And let me be clear when I say that
there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just keep an eye out because you
may establish an Eskimo connection with someone you wouldn’t have expected.
Being monogamous can be the tits, but if you’re at Lehigh
I’d be willing to bet my alcoholic future you have been with at least one
person a friend has been with and counting. So what if this web of hookups
borders on the edge of incest and awesome? Don’t be ashamed, be proud that we
have survived this way for years. Bottom line: the family that rages together,