On December 20th, Maria Rodriguez looked down at her bills and shook her head in awe, “There’s just no way we can stay in business, Lackmann charges us too much money in rent and supplies.” The defeated manager dropped the bill into the puddle of tears that had formed on her desk, ” We’re done,... MORE »
Finding a companion is hard these days. If you’re like me, you probably feel like you’ve tried everything. Holding the door for her, walking her home, watching her undress from outside her bedroom window. You know, romance. But sometimes chivalry isn’t enough, gents. Nowadays, women care about ridiculous qualities like, “Will my parents like him?”... MORE »
Perhaps taking to heart my comments concering the competence and overall affectiveness of the public “safety” department, the Hofstra boner strokers and ass shakers (let’s be honest, the economy is tough) have decided to do something practical and useful for the entirety of the student body. In between handing over cash to Bernie Madoff and... MORE »
Finals week is known within the bowels of every college across the country, and DeVry, as “more brootal” than even the most hymen shattering and sticky of frat initiations. Adderall, rope, and razor blade stocks all shoot sky high (but nowhere near as high as the students) and many freshman are weeded out, opting to... MORE »
Today in the Mack Student center, an idiot put a paper plate with bread on it in the toaster. This idiot then saw the flames, far from an “inferno”, and ran to the cashier to report the fire. And, embarrassed as I am to admit, that idiot was me. I know what you’re thinking and... MORE »
As it turns out, Snooki is not the main character of the film, “A Clockwork Orange.” But she’s been as controversial. Known for her binge drinking and slurred speech, Snooki appears to be more pregnant than usual these days. The question on everyone’s mind is, who’s her baby-daddy? I’m here to tell you all that... MORE »
The fluorescent sunlight breaks through the shades of my dorm room forcing my eyes to squint and squeal for relief from the brightness. Snow came and went in a single day. The late January morning day feels like a spring afternoon. Wearing nothing but my ex-girlfriend’s panties, I raise the shades of the window to... MORE »
Being a commuter can be tough. Whether you’ve decided to live at home to save money or because you couldn’t part with your stuffed animals, the commuter gene is a part of your DNA. Commuters like to keep to themselves, and so they rarely disclose that they live at home. The only way to tell... MORE »
This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! Welcoming in the New Year is a grandiose occasion for many Americans as well as those other people that live in places not as awesome as... MORE »
“You only live once, that’s the motto n***a YOLO.” When Drake uttered those words in the studio, I doubt he knew the impact he would have on the world. YOLO can be spotted everywhere nowadays. On Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, and even on Zac Efron’s hand. But now the Degrassi alum is taking YOLO to a whole... MORE »
It’s springtime in Hofstraland peoples. Shit be bloomin’, and you can quote me. Once again you’ll find the quads mobbed with a wide variety of student culture. Check out the list so you know what to look for. 1.) The half naked sunbather: They’re out there all right. Spread eagle on our Hofstra benches, catchin’... MORE »
There are several ways to tell the difference between a guy and a girl: length of hair, ability to drive a car, absence of a penis, etc. But one surefire way to shout your gender from a mountaintop is what you post on your dorm room wall. Your dorm room says a hell of a... MORE »
As it turns out, Snooki is not the main character of the film, “A Clockwork Orange.” But she’s been as controversial. Known for her binge drinking and slurred speech, Snooki appears to be more pregnant than usual these days. The question on everyone’s mind is, who’s her baby-daddy? I’m here to tell you all that... MORE »
Hofstra’s not-so-New Academic building will give anyone an architectural boner. It’s sleek, sexy, and streamlined to perfection. But don’t let its clever name fool you, it has been confirmed that the building is actually a fully functional spacecraft built by NASA. That’s right, NASA. Shit just got serious. The New Academic building or, NAB, for... MORE »
It’s been quite a week here at Hofstra: the weather’s been beautiful, professors have been absent, and I can’t think of a third clause. But for some, there have been better weeks. Fred No-go, a fictitious yet lovable Hofstra freshman, was stuck in the library elevator for 5 hours on Sunday night. Here’s what he... MORE »
In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. The men’s basketball team played a game this past Saturday against Northeastern that was also especially heinous. Here is every thought that crossed my mind throughout the game: > How intensely do I have to cheer when we score? I guess I’ll just... MORE »
