You know what really grinds my
gears? That Bits and Bytes, one of the few good dining locations on campus,
closes for the weekend. But why is that? For the past couple of days I’ve
tossed and turned searching for answers, day dreamed constantly through
natural science lectures and snoozed through Tom Jones discussions. Does the administration
hate us that much? Is this how prisoners at Guantanamo Bay are treated? After
theorizing for days, I’ve come up with a few reasonable solutions:

It’s a Weekend Underground Casino

This one is the
most logical to me. Doesn’t the staff at BYOB just seem a LITTLE too happy to
be making minimum wage? Don’t they
just have a tiny bit too much spring in their step? They’re obviously running a casino on
the weekends, because a person making 300 “Mile High” burgers per day
shouldn’t be singing “I’ve Got A Pocket Full Of Sunshine” unless their bank
roll is overflowing.

It’s a Keebler Elf Factory

With a dwindling number of trees and an increase in cookie sales, the
Keebler elves needed a place to expand. With all the money Hofstra is spending
making new buildings and improving the look of the school, Hofstra offered a
10-year lease to the young elves, ensuring them adequate space for their growing
empire. So with all the space alloted to them for the weekend, Dutch Treats is able to keep up with the run on all the sweet morsels of goodness they stock.

It’s just”¦empty?

This is the most boring of all the
ideas, but an idea nonetheless. Maybe, it’s just, empty? It’s very possible,
but is it probable? Nahhh.

It’s a sweat shop on the weekends

Come on, this one is very possible. Couldn’t you just see Stuart Rabinowitz standing there, cackling, and
pushing the workers to make more money for him? I mean he already does it with
our tuition, why would he stop there? With more jobs coming back to
America and with on-campus employment sparse, Rabinowitz came up with the ingenious plan of hiring the Federal Work-Study
kids to knit $80 sweatshirts for the bookstore, paying them $2.00/ hour, thus ensuring a new Starbucks could be built in front of Hofstra Hall.

While you can ponder the possibilities
for days, who really knows why Bits and Bytes closes on the weekends? Many freshmen
have made the trek on a Saturday afternoon only to make the disappointing walk
back to their dorms. Unfortunately, for Hofstra,  that sad sight might be visible for the
near future”¦or at least until the Keebler’s lease is up.