The
air that day was palpable, filled with smells of butter, chicken wings and pop
tarts. Fat Joe had received the call that morning and rose out of bed with a
sudden urgency. It was Hofstra calling”¦his first job in years. “To say I’m
excited is an understatement, you know, I’d really like to lean back and pull
up my pants”¦but I haven’t seen my feet since I was in High School.”

Hofstra
has an illustrious history of pulling in high quality talent and the past years’ rosters are littered with names such as: Minus the Bear, The Dirty Gems and
Kreayshawn. The list is so back loaded that artists such as
Kanye West, Bruno Mars, Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson have all attributed
their disappointing career trajectory to never playing at Hofstra’s “Fall
Fest.” According to Kanye’s
manager, David Johnson, Kanye
reportedly “went off the deep-end” and “wouldn’t leave his mansion for
weeks” following his bumping from Fall Fest ’08.

But
the hiring of Fat Joe brought Hofstra to a whole new level of prominence when
Guinness World Records informed the school that they would break the record for
“Highest Combined Main Act Weight at a University in a 12 Month Period” with an
astounding 725 pounds, shattering the previous record of Biggie Smalls and Ice
Cube in the 1980′s. Ice Cube was relieved when he heard the news and said that
this was the one record he was “glad to give up.” Biggie Smalls had no comment.

But
are we giving fat rappers too much praise? Too much notoriety? Many figure that
rappers will do what they want, when they want and will “get fat, or die
trying.” Rick Ross didn’t feel that a record such as this would cause him to
re-evaluate his weight; he’s a BOSS after all.

But
with Fat Joe on the docket for Hofstra’s Winter Fest and Rick Ross on the
books, Hofstra’s future in attracting large talent looks bright. I mean, come
on, who wants a skinny Kanye, or an anorexic Steven Tyler or a withering
Michael Jackson when you can have that adrenaline-pumping fear of a stage
collapsing on top of you? It’s a no-brainer”¦.idiot. So when you’re watching Fat
Joe tweak a hammy up there, just remember, when those lights come on,
somewhere, in an expensive hotel suite, Kanye West is crying”¦a lot.