Hofstra professors were spotted at the beach last week!
You may ask why the beach? It is fucking freezing out. Apparently, all the
craziness going on at Hofstra made them go crazy. They were seen skinny dipping
and throwing sand at each other's private parts. One witness said he heard them
making animal noises, flapping their arms and trying to belly dance.

"My friends and I went down to the beach to smoke some
of the good stuff and we heard funny noises," said Frankie Fitz. "Then I saw my
science teacher, Professor. Kink, trying to do the wiggle!"

Seeing your professor doing the wiggle is not only
disturbing, but traumatizing. Poor Frankie was flown to LIJ medical center
after fainting from the incident. EMT officials could not revive him on the

"His brain seems to be fried, every time we did a brain
scan all we saw were wiggly lines," said Dr. Dibshits. "We are hoping for the

Fitz's parents declined to comment, but their lawyer
says they plan to file a lawsuit against the infamous wiggler.

"He should have not seen this site, but I plan to
continue doing the wiggle and improve this talent I never knew I had," said
Professor. Kink.


Obama has made a new national holiday, which allows all
professors to have a skip day. He decided if they have to suffer every day with
rude and ugly college students and pretend to be nice, they deserve a day off.