Hofstra professors were spotted at the beach last week! You may ask why the beach? It is fucking freezing out. Apparently, all the craziness going on at Hofstra made them go crazy. They were seen skinny dipping and throwing sand at each other's private parts. One witness said he heard them making animal noises, flapping their arms and trying to belly dance.
"My friends and I went down to the beach to smoke some of the good stuff and we heard funny noises," said Frankie Fitz. "Then I saw my science teacher, Professor. Kink, trying to do the wiggle!"
Seeing your professor doing the wiggle is not only disturbing, but traumatizing. Poor Frankie was flown to LIJ medical center after fainting from the incident. EMT officials could not revive him on the spot.
"His brain seems to be fried, every time we did a brain scan all we saw were wiggly lines," said Dr. Dibshits. "We are hoping for the best."
Fitz's parents declined to comment, but their lawyer says they plan to file a lawsuit against the infamous wiggler.
"He should have not seen this site, but I plan to continue doing the wiggle and improve this talent I never knew I had," said Professor. Kink.
Obama has made a new national holiday, which allows all professors to have a skip day. He decided if they have to suffer every day with rude and ugly college students and pretend to be nice, they deserve a day off.