This past week proved to be full of events of various levels of excitement reaching different demographics that cause us students to ask, “So which events are for us exactly?” Spring Family Weekend, and Relay for Life were among the basic events that helped bring this entire school together. Old people were here this past weekend (yet again), except this time they all wore Mets jerseys, and name tags…weird. Beyond my excitement from a running high five with Mr. Met, this past week seemed very humdrum.
Oh wait! SGA elections were this week. Hooray! The competition was tough this year, too. With one pair of students running for president and vice president of SGA, their campaign slogan was simple: “Please vote! There’s a quota to fill.” Beyond our lonely pair of candidates, questions were asked of the students this year such as “Do you drink beer? Would you like to in public?” Show me a student who does not drink, and I’ll show you a student with a very unfortunate allergy. It is a tragedy that any student could suffer.
Prior to the election, an interview was conducted with the previous SGA president of the 2011-2012 school year. Due to repeated death threats from secret service, Lackmann services, and Hofstra Hillel, his name cannot be released on this public forum. However, this reporter is not afraid to state he looks a lot like Robert Rodriguez. To follow, I do not know what Robert Rodriguez looks like, but wants you, the reader, to know I make the comparison via racial stereotyping and ethnic name associations. This is nothing personal to any particular group, but this president in question is some kind of Spanish amalgamation. When asked why he chose not to run for re-election, he replied, “Are you kidding me? Next time I want to deal with children, I’ll apply to be a kindergarten teacher. I should be paid for what I dealt with. Yah me!?!?! See these gray hairs? I didn’t have these last year. You know why? ‘Cause it’s hard out here for a pimp!!!” Upon finishing his answer, the former SGA president passed out where he sat. Fellow SGA members assured me he does that every afternoon from 3:35 PM to about 4:42 PM, and not to worry my neon pink britches about it.
After Senor Rodriguez went sleepy bye, I took my questions to the streets. After interviews with 1,248 students here at Hofstra community, the major consensus seemed to be “there were elections this week?” Despite the vote for beer and a single presidential ticket on the ballot, 66.6% of students reported having no idea where or when to vote. 15% of those students reportedly do not care much about politics –even on a school level. 7.4% are in or know someone in SGA and were compelled to vote for the sake of peer pressure. The remaining 10% pointed out my head was bleeding, and I should go to the hospital. Granted, I slipped on a banana peel in front of Eli’s Kosher Kitchen, but chose to keep on trucking, because that is what good reporters do.
If I learned anything from this week’s elections, it is that students like government, big business, fossil fuels, and tractors. With that in mind, the possibilities are endless. We are a united front with various beliefs and desires. Thank you government for telling us what to do, always and forever.