After being on campus and away
from home for close to two months, freshmen at Florida State are becoming
harder to identify. But don’t fear fellow Seminoles! Here are some things you
can look for when picking one out around town. Or if you are a baby on campus, I included a few pointers for not being so
blatantly obvious about it:

 

1.     They use
patterned backpacks: They think it shows personality. But whether it’s
flowered, striped, checked or any other horrendous design, patterned backpacks
are just plain tacky. This is college, stop using your bag from high school and
come join the big kids. Campus culture at FSU dictates that a solid North Face or Jansport is clearly
the way to go. Feel free to choose whatever blinding color you wish, just leave
the patterns at home.

 

2.     They abuse
the bus system: It happens every day- in the midst of being flung every which
way because I can’t get a seat, I’ll see freshmen get on the bus at one stop
and off at the next. This is obnoxious. Buy some tennis shoes, take that extra
two minutes and walk. Still don’t know how to get to class? Get a map. Can’t
read a map? Ask an upperclassman- they’ll most likely help. We’re not inherently
evil people who enjoy watching you walk around like confused puppies- well, not
all of us.

 

3.     They can’t
hold their liquor (yet): Unless they were drinking champs in high school, most
freshies are just starting to consume. Therefore they are going to be the
sloppiest at clubs. Most of these teens will have, somehow, pre-gamed in their
dorms all while shivering in fear that their RA would knock at any moment. Every
song will be their favorite and they’ll be the ones crowded around the bar
looking for twenty-one-year-olds to buy them drinks. They will also probably get
thrown out for getting sick everywhere. Remember children: “Beer before liquor-
never been sicker. Liquor before beer- in the clear”
:)

 

4.     Don’t know
how to dress for clubs: At this point, freshmen are still used to the way they
dressed for parties in high school. I’ll see boys in cargo shorts or ripped
jeans, t-shirts, FSU gear and skate shoes. Girls will wear denim skirts, kitten
heels, or worse- flip-flops. It’s time to trade in your Abercrombie and
Hollister clothes for some higher end pieces. That way, you might actually look
the age you’re trying to convince people you are! 

 

5.     Every exam
is “THE BIGGEST EXAM EVER!!!” The new kids do not yet understand the fine art
of time management. The thought of going out on weeknights and skipping class is
both foreign and alluring. Add this with teachers who don’t remind them about
assignments and you get freaked out first years crying in Strozier the night
before their exams. Breathe darlings: one failed test is not the end of the
world. But next time, you might want to skip the beer funnels and study
instead.

 

I hope this guide better prepares
you to pick out the babies on campus. If you’re bored on your walk to class, challenge
a friend to find as many freshmen as you can. If you are reading this and
thinking: “Wow! This girl knows a lot about me!”- sorry kids, better luck next
year.