Dom Johnson, 37, of Tallahassee admitted to selling his first born son yesterday all for tickets to Saturday’s game against Oklahoma. Andrew Johnson, 8, was reportedly sold to a family in Wakulla County.
“I’m gonna miss the little man,” says Johnson, “He really was a great kid”¦ but sacrifices are sacrifices I guess, and you sometimes have to do things you don’t necessarily want to do when it comes to these tough decisions.”
The family that allegedly bought Andrew, who wishes to remain nameless, is “thrilled” for their new son and plan on using the Craigslist marketplace for more transactions pertaining to future additions to their family.
“When he told me, all I could do was cry,” said Johnson’s wife, 36 year old Sally Mae. “But we were so desperate for tickets that I understand why it was done”¦ I hope he’s in a better place now.”
Florida State football has always been a serious matter throughout the state, and Tallahassee is no exception. The game against #1 Oklahoma this weekend is one of the biggest NCAA games of the year, so throughout the college town it is not an uncommon occurrence for people to do bat shit crazy things for tickets.
When Johnson was asked about future games he replied, “Sally Mae and I have talked about having more children, you know, just in case things get to this point again. Most people would say it’s extreme, and yeah it is, but we consider it more of an insurance policy for game attendance than anything. If that doesn’t work, we will happily give our kidneys.”
Last year another large sacrifice was made in the name of FSU football when 21 year old Junior, Joey Smith, reportedly gave his left arm for a ticket to FSU’s winning game against Florida.
“It seemed like a great idea at the time, you know, because I’m a broke college student and I absolutely could not miss that game,” says Smith, “but life has definitely gotten more difficult. Like, when I go home and my parents ask me to make them a sandwich or open a beer, they go “OHH YEEAAAH YOU CAAAAN’T BECAUSE YOU’RE FUCKING ARMLESS YA DUMBASS!!’ They just don’t understand.”
Recently the list of kidney donors in Tallahassee has already doubled, and it seems to steadily show a trend of coinciding with FSU’s football success. Florida State is expected to do well this year, and if they beat Oklahoma on Saturday, other significant sacrifices could be on the horizon.