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Looks like Someone Partied Too Hard
I guess you can say, last night was NUTS! [there goes my pun limit for the week]
Yogurt Crazy Bases Hours on New Cornell Study
A new business study from the Dyson School at Cornell shows that undergraduates only eat frozen yogurt at two points: when they are drunk or when the sun has completely set. When the Daily Sun article came out, students were confused as to whether or not this article was meant to be written for the... MORE »
Cornell Researchers Unsure Why Students Drink
ITHACA, NY – Despite numerous changes in University policy ““ including prohibiting freshmen students from attending open fraternity parties, and banning alcohol from sorority “mixers” ““ the prevalence of medical transports and other alcohol related incidents at Cornell has remained unchanged. Recently, a team of researchers from the College of Agriculture & Life Sciences set... MORE »
“I Got Sooo Drunk Last Night,” Report Nation’s Future Leaders
On Sunday morning, numerous first-hand accounts revealed that a substantial percentage of America’s soon-to-be luminaries were severely intoxicated and self-incapacitated on the preceding evening. “Man, I was fucked up last night,” said future New York State Senator David Adelsberg ’12, “This hangover is killing me!” “My futon is covered in puke,” added the future Congressman.... MORE »
Sober Sophomore Wanders into Nasties ““ Unsure What to Do
Local Sophomore Brian Ritzoff was in a bit of a bind last Friday afternoon when he found himself to be both sober and at Nasties ““ simultaneously. “So, like, what should I even order?” asked Brian. “Chicken nuggets? Would those even taste good right now?” As Brian stood there paralyzed by indecision, a Townhouse kid... MORE »
Shit Cornellians at Cornell Say
Agreed upon by some disagreed upon by few….these are the shits that we say up in here. MORE »
Incidences of Hypothermia Increase Due to Lack of Alcohol During Pledging
Even though, in recent weeks, the weather in Ithaca has been unseasonably warm, because of lack of alcohol during pledging students have found themselves feeling like a foreigner….cold as ice (to any 80s music fans out there). “I used to wear a liquor jacket out ever night. Now I’m freezing outside because I can actually... MORE »
With New IFC Regulations, Rush Week Drinking Shifts to Sororities
In a slightly surprising turn of events, numerous sororities on campus were reported to have served hard alcohol and drugs at their rush week recruitment events. While fraternities were busy with their Dry Rush Week, or “3 Day Rush-apallooza” as the IFC now requires it be called, sororities and their PNM’s raged on into the... MORE »
Formal Season 2011: This is how I’ll die, isn’t it?
What’s your favorite time of year…Christmas or Wedding Season? Formal Season! That’s right fellow Cornellians, it is that time of the semester where you have nothing to do because classes are over and study week has yet to begin. It’s the best time of the year. Get all fancy in your dress or your shirt... MORE »
Cornell Police Jizz Their Pants After Winning National Award
On October 25th, the Cornell University Police Department was crowned the best university police or something. Who knows? Who cares. More importantly, their cockiness has reached new levels after receiving this award, further pissing off the rest of the Cornell community. Sophomore, Brad Daly, expressed extreme resentment for CUPD. “This CUPD cop came... MORE »
Cornell Basement’s Guide to Finding a New MILF Girlfriend During Cornell Days
So you’re walking innocently across Ho Plaza while trying to block out as much of the clock tower chimes as possible, begging for an easier hangover. You’re tired; nauseas, and you look like you haven’t seen daylight in months. But some kid doesn’t look frustrated, burnt out, or miserable. He actually has a smile on... MORE »
Cornell Freshman Goes on 12 Hour Crime Spree
On Tuesday, a man reached headlines around the country after allegedly committing 11 felonies in 9 hours. William Todd, a Kentucky native, managed a night of so much epic criminal absurdity that he even gave The Hangover films a run for their money. His story can be closer followed here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/10/william-todd-crime-spree_n_1415407.html However, with every great “mastermind”... MORE »
Have Decreasing Admission Rates Gone Too Far?
Last Thursday, Cornell released its decisions for its regular admission applicants. The 6,123 students were drawn from an applicant pool of 37,812. According to a person who owns a calculator, this means that the 2012 Cornell Acceptance Rate for 2012 is about 16.2 percent. You might be thinking that’s really selective. But, how selective... MORE »
Prospective Student Chooses Online U Instead So He Can Wear Pajamas
ITHACA, NY—Despite Cornell University’s prestigious reputation, ample academic resources, qualified professors and facility, as well as its aesthetically stunning campus, a former prospective student rescinded his application for the Fall 2012 Semester on Monday. For John McDunnel, a local senior in a New Jersey high school, these qualifications and amenities were just not enough for... MORE »
MISSING: Help Me Find My Freshman Orientation Group!
I blame my Orientation Leader for not warning me this would happen! MORE »
Honest Course Syllabus
Credit to Adam Groner MORE »