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The NYC Tech Campus: Cornell’s Plan to Take Over the World
On Friday, it was announced that Cornell received a $350 million dollar donation to help their bid for a tech campus on Roosevelt Island in New York City. Cornell’s bid is now at $2 billion dollars and they are now the front-runners to win this opportunity. What people do not know is that there is... MORE »
You’re Not the Only One Unhappy About Nelly…
Whoever made this is my hero. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who feels the way I do about not being able to properly grind with drunk and sloppy frat bros to the slow paced beat of “Grillz.” Props to you, BigRedBearz! MORE »
Cornell Holds 80th Class Reunion
It truly was an incredible event. At the Cornell Club on June 9th the University held a reunion for the 1931 Graduating Class called the “Spirit of ’31.” Two alumna were honored at the event. Laible Tallmadge and Rosemary Hunt Todd of the class of 1931. Although 28 others are still alive they were unable... MORE »
Taio Cruz to Bring Rebecca Black to Slope Day
Last night on his Twitter, singer Taio Cruz announced that he is bringing a special guest to his Slope Day Performance on Friday. “Cornell!! im bringin my special boo rebecca black to slope day!! we guna get down this friday, friday, friday!” So get your middle school friends, make sure you have your cereal, don’t... MORE »
Cornell’s Quality Crappers (A Top 10 List)
Although Cornell does not have any bathrooms with gold-plated toilets, there are plenty of places on campus where you can find a top rate place to do yo’ buisnass. Through extensive research I have compiled a list of the top 10 places ON campus to take a deuce. Hopefully this list will help you in... MORE »
How not to make someone your Valentine
The least romantic way to ask someone to be your Valentine is by letting them know that you have more than one. Happy V-Day, I guess. MORE »
Skorton to Apgar: “Stop being so gay”
In an astounding change of events, it appears as though University President David Skorton is siding with the fraternities in their ongoing battle with Associate Dean Travis Apgar. In a released transcript containing meetings between Associate Dean of Fraternity and Sorority affairs Travis Apgar and David Skorton, David Skorton appears to call out Apgar in his attempts... MORE »
Kids – don’t do Acid
This is what happens when you do acid and your friends have no lives and are really good with computer animation MORE »
Cornell Freshmen Outraged to Discover that Costume Contest was Actually Student Assembly Elections
NORTH CAMPUS ““ Freshmen across Cornell University’s North Campus were shocked and infuriated to find out that what they believed to be a costume contest over the past couple of weeks was actually Student Assembly Elections. “I just can’t believe this,” says freshmen student Katie Gold. “Just a few nights ago I was walking... MORE »
Olin Stacks Flasher Finds True Love at Jewish Speed Dating
Recently an anonymous male was found running around Olin exposing himself to females and shocking them to the point of tears. CampusBasement investigative reporter Jenna Til-Warts had an exclusive interview with the famous flasher. She pried into the mind of the psychopath in an attempt to figure out what the roots of his problems were. ... MORE »
We Be Diverse, Says Skorton
President Skorton issued a statement regarding the University’s new diversity goals in an e-mail to the entire student body on Wednesday. Skorton and the deans are promising to amp up diversity at Cornell. And by “amp up,” they clearly mean “initiate.” If you didn’t catch the drift of the President’s statement for a number of... MORE »