Ah yes, it’s that time again – one year comes to a close and makes way for an even better one to follow. At midnight, we’ll ring in the new year in style no matter where we are: some of us will be vomiting on the sidewalk outside the bar, some of us will be making out with people we’ve know for less than five minutes, and others will be running through subway cars on acid screaming that Jesus is coming and we are all going to hell. No matter what you’ll be doing, we here at Cornell Basement wish you the best in 2011 – here’s to 365 days of gettin A’s and gettin laid. KIPPIS! (that’s “cheers!” in Finnish for all you slow ones)

Now on to our staff’s resolutions:

Cornell Basement (as a whole):
1. Keep trying to convince the Daily Sun to write an article about us and our revolutionary staff members who all have the ability to be both be a student of Cornell and ALSO have a personality (plus we know you have better things to write about than animal carcass digesters, especially when you have people on campus who are as good looking as we are)

apost:
1. Keep my legs closed and my books open (may have been mine last year nbd)
2. Stop playing brick breaker during class….instead pick up word
mole to to help my vocabulary
3. Stop stealing the prepackaged food from ctb…it’s not even worth it, shit tastes nasty
4. Stop buying clothes online and telling my mom it is for a sorority fundraiser
5. This semester actually read my textbook instead of buying them and then selling them right away and at the end of the semester when my parents ask how much money you got back from books tell them it was
half of what it actually was and then keep the rest
6. Admit to the fact that my major is a joke and my 3.0 gpa should probably be at least a 3.7

dang:
1.  I will be responsible under the influence of alcohol
       This means:
               a. Shitting in a pumpkin on Halloween is not appropriate, I won’t do that again
               b. Running around the sky bridge naked is always a bad idea, I will keep my clothes on
               c. Watching my roommate urinate on his laptop is funny
until the next morning, I will take better care of my friends

smalls:
1. Stop drinking on the lord’s day – except really only between 4 am
when i pass out and 10 pm when I sober up and trivia starts.

2. Get up before 12 on a saturday or sunday…actually, make that get out of bed around 2
3. Not objectify women (hahahaha, like that’ll happen)
4.
Spend more than half my time in the library actually working rather
than reading broslikethissite/picking a new song to listen to/checking
out babes/checking out weird asians acting socially awkward, etc., etc.
5. Invent a way to successfully combine studying and drinking into mutually beneficial activities
6. Keep my legs and books open  (suck it post) 
7. Keep a journal documenting all of my funtivities, and make a strong effort to write in it if/when I am black out

jwoww:
1. Begin my campaign for having this ‘thing’ perform on Slope Day
2. Keep a VIDEO journal documenting the rest of my college career (suck it smalls) and then sell it to a major film producer so that my life can made into a movie in which my mom is played by Snooki and I wind up marrying Anthony Kiedis
3. Take up a new hobby, such as shapeshifting
4. Rick roll the entire Cornell faculty and staff, 2011 graduating class, and their families during Commencement in May
5. Live through my 21st birthday, then cry because there are no other meaningful birthdays in my near future
6. Streak through the Arts Quad during the next Quill and Dagger secret society ceremony, then pretend to sacrifice a virgin in the middle of said ceremony and declare the beginning of my own secret society
7. Come up with at least 20 outrageous lies about myself so that I have something to talk about during rush week, particularly regarding my family’s reality TV show, my dog’s ability to talk with small children, and how my dad invented the Snuggie.

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM CORNELL BASEMENT! (and check out the entire Campus Basement staff’s resolution page here)