Flowchart: How Should You Study For Finals?

July 16, 2012

Study Shows C.U. Has Most ‘Paper Gangsters’ in U.S.

Somewhere in between the wigs, hats, and jockstraps in the back of her closet, Lady Gaga once coined the term ‘paper gangster’. A paper gangster is defined by Urban Dictionary as a bulls*** fake wanna-be who tries to be ghetto, thinks he/she is from the streets, and is a punk-ass mother****** who should be listening... MORE »

May 21, 2012

Sophomore Throws Party in Olin Library’s Basement

With finals over and school done until August, Cornell students are excited. For sophomore government major Frankie Howard, excited is an understatement. On Friday, May 18th, Howard allegedly brought his laptop and speakers, along with a Grey Goose bottle, a Red Bull, and a flask filled with whiskey, into the basement of Olin Library and... MORE »

March 19, 2012

Breaking News: Lefties Protest Outside Olin

Yesterday, outside Olin Library, Lefties came together to protest against the abundance of righty desks and lack of lefty desks around Cornell’s Campus. With so many famous, successful, lefties, it is disturbing to these students that they are underrepresented. “We used to be persecuted against. There’s a long history of discrimination against our people. My... MORE »

March 19, 2012

Student Suspended For Attending Too Many Classes

Do you often feel overwhelmed because you are taking too many credits? Do you just go to other classes to just acquire more knowledge? No, I’m pretty sure you and I both don’t. That isn’t the case with junior Megan Kim of the engineering school, who was suspended from Cornell for attending too many classes... MORE »

March 17, 2012

Study Buddy: A Cornell Basement Syndicated Column

Dear guy sitting behind me in Mann who keeps making sighing noises, I REFUSE to turn around and acknowledge you. I don’t care, I won’t turn around and look at you. Others might, but not me. Your sighs are getting louder and closer together like you’re having contractions. I WON’T look back. Eyes on my... MORE »

December 19, 2011

4.0 GPA Totally Compensates for Sex-less Semester, Rationalizes Freshman

Upon checking his course grades on student center, freshman Phineas Plottman expressed tempered joy and mild exuberance over the fact that his semester spent not fornicating with members of the opposite sex, culminated in a 4.0 GPA. “Oh my gosh, this feeling is so amazing,” said Plottman meekly, “definitely more satisfying than repeatedly thrusting my... MORE »

December 16, 2011

Mann Library Sees Increased Attendance Through Rental of Sex Rooms

In attempt to attract more students to the library and to reduce student stress during finals week, Mann library converted all of its rarely-used study rooms into sex rooms. This initiative was sponsored by Cornell CARES, and proved to be a major hit over the course of study week. “Hardly anybody would ever rent out... MORE »

December 16, 2011

Transfer Pride: I used to go to Maryland

I used to go to a real school. One where there were tailgates and acid dropping on a Monday at 6pm before Lab and a real Greek Week/Homecoming. Ah yes and one where the Jewish Council students broke it down real hard in the library during finals week. At Cornell we have Club Mann…..at UMD... MORE »

December 11, 2011

This Is What I Made Instead Of Studying

Finals Week! MORE »

December 9, 2011

Warren Hall Hopes You Are Practicing Safe Studying

As finals week progresses Cornell Administrative staff wish all of the students a safe and healthy experience. Walking to Mann today it was difficult NOT to notice the giant blown-up condoms coming out of Warren Hall. Let it be a reminder to us all on this fine day: you’re super horny, but you’re in the... MORE »

Flowchart: How Should You Study For Finals?

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