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Why You Do Not Want Gandalf As Your Organic Chemistry Professor
Student Bombs Orgo Final: Thirteen Dead and Four Left Wounded.
Investigation pending. MORE »
Cornell Football Sucks
Last year I went to one Cornell home football game. It was homecoming so I don’t remember much, but what I do remember was that the cheerleaders were far more entertaining. I left the game after what I would say was probably five or ten minutes right about the time when the opposing team, Fordham... MORE »
Student Sentenced to 35-Life for Jaywalking
Over the past year, CUPD received numerous complaints about students jaywalking. Many students, for whatever reason (texting) decided to disobey pedestrian traffic laws, causing various close calls wherein motorists came within inches of running over a Cornell student. Recently, CUPD has decided to do something about it. On Thursday, September 16th at 3:23... MORE »
Winter X-Games to Use Slope as Course
ESPN and the Winter X-Games have just announced a partnership to have a charity event at Cornell University’s “Libe Slope.” The sport calls it an exciting move which will attract more college-aged fans to the sport. It is to take place in February 2013, obviously assuming that there is snow. The course will start at... MORE »
Fla. man denies cocaine found in buttocks is his
BRADENTON, Fla. “” When sheriff’s deputies allegedly discovered a bags of marijuana and cocaine between a man’s buttocks, they said he gave a quick explanation. Manatee County deputies said Raymond Stanley Roberts told them “The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is.” Deputies stopped the 25-year-old Wednesday in Bradenton for speeding. Officers said... MORE »
Cornell Police Meet Weekly Quota For Ruining Fun
The Cornell police department was pleased to announce this morning that they’ve met they’re weekly quota for ruining fun. Yesterday the arts quad was the site of an “epic” snowball fight that saw upwards of 200 students. Smiles made a rare appearance in Ithaca until the police shut it down. Sergeant Levin of the CUPD... MORE »
Cornell’s Dino Discrimination
Can you imagine the carbon footprint on a Hummer big enough to fit a t-rex? Dinosaurs riding bikes are the best way to keep our campus green. MORE »
MUST READ: Grads Caught Doing Keg-Stands on President Skorton’s Roof
Out of all the crazy stories we have heard from senior week, this has to be the craziest one by far. Let’s just say recent-grads, President Skorton’s roof, and keg-stands do not go together. On Sunday night, at approximately 2 a.m., police were called to the Skorton residence by the President himself. He believed that... MORE »
Formal Rejection
Ouch. MORE »
Farmer’s Market
Ithaca Farmer’s Market Now Serving Freshly Cooked Rabbit MORE »
My Winter Break Movie Guidelines
If you’re like me then your winter break has been jam packed with movies, and if you’re Jewish like me then these aren’t movies that you’ve paid for. I put more effort into researching a movie I might have to pay to see in theatres than I’ve put into my thesis. First, I check RottenTomatoes.com... MORE »
What I Think About During My Nutrition Lectures
….so the quality of my work has taken a hit, but my A.D.D is alive and well! MORE »
Smart vs Attractive
you will never win MORE »
Let’s Hear It For The Sluts!
It’s the Christmas of college: Halloween weekend. Halloween was once known to all of us, in a much more innocent time, as the night where we dressed up as our favorite superhero and ate as much candy as our tiny tummy’s could hold before we puked. But now that we’re much older and wiser Halloween... MORE »
Snow.. in October?!?!
Proclamations of shock, distrust, and a hint of sexual frustration were heard across the Cornell campus as, on October 27, snow began to fall. Barry Valentine ’15 exclaimed, “I can’t believe it’s snowing in Miami at the end of October! What? We’re not in Miami?…. We’re in upstate New York?… oh then this is perfectly... MORE »
Cornell Nutrition Professor Finds the Cure for Obesity
Professor Robert Johnson, a nationally acclaimed nutrition expert, has devoted his entire career to solving the obesity epidemic. “I have spent years traveling all over the country and the world trying to figure out why people in America are so goddamn fat.” After cross checking all of his references and eliminating all confounding variables, Johnson thinks he’s... MORE »
Freshmen Finally Learn That Fall Break is a Myth
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Loch Ness monster, a good Nicholas Cage movie, Fall break. What do all of these things have in common? They’re not real. Come on, you didn’t really think you were going to get an entire 4 days off in the middle of the Fall semester did you? “But Yom... MORE »
Math Library Needs to Recalculate its Priorities
it’s cool if I leave my iPod and laptop alone here right? MORE »
Party at President Skorton’s House!
Since the policy for fraternity parties has changed this semester, many freshmen have been left wondering €œwhere am I gonna get my keystone buzz on and rub up against total strangers?€ Freshmen year without being crowded into the hot sweaty basement of a fraternity house and waking up in a “sober monitor” shirt (that you... MORE »
Library 101
Roommates pet turtle making it hard for you to study in your dorm? Maybe this can help you pick your ideal study spot. Although who are we kidding.. it probably won’t. MORE »
Ithaca is Gorges No More
Due to the recent uproar on the part of both students and faculty President Skorton has finally decided to take down the fences. In place of the infamous fences Skorton has made the executive decision to fill in the gorges. Requests are now being taken to decide what the gorges should be filled with. Might... MORE »
D-List Frat Plans a Mixer With A-List Sorority
No one shows up. MORE »
It’s Finally Here!
For those of you who were captivated by The Pyrimidines and had to go back for more with the Pyrimidines Supplement I and still felt uneasy…well… wait no more. It’s finally here.. the Pyrimidines Supplement II!!!!! It will answer all the questions that The Pyrimidines and the Pyrimidines Supplement I didn’t answer like: Who writes... MORE »
You Know You Go to Cornell When…
You see this picture and think “I’d like to have sex there”. #1 on the list of 161 things to do before you graduate Cornell is sex in the stacks, and as a student I can’t say I’m anymore immune to this than the rest of you.. show me a dark creepy hallway that looks... MORE »
Cornell’s New Approach to Security
Feeling unsafe during your late night walk home from the bars? Follow the lead of this collegetown house! Because seriously, what robber is going to risk being shot with a cannon? There’s no surviving that. MORE »
Cornell’s Dino Discrimination
Can you imagine the carbon footprint on a Hummer big enough to fit a t-rex? Dinosaurs riding bikes are the best way to keep our campus green. MORE »