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Drew Carey Isn’t Funny Enough For Campus Basement
Are you?
Shit Cornellians at Cornell Say
Agreed upon by some disagreed upon by few….these are the shits that we say up in here. MORE »
YOU CAN WIN MILLIONS OF DOLLARS!!!!!
Hey Basement dwellers! “¦ Wait, that’s a really creepy name to call our readers. Off to a good start. Hey guys! We’re excited to announce our first annual Campus Basement Halloween Contest. Now that we’re a bunch of miserable alums who all miss our glory days, we want to live vicariously through your awesome... MORE »
Looks like Someone Partied Too Hard
I guess you can say, last night was NUTS! [there goes my pun limit for the week] MORE »
Ever Wondered Why ILRies Don’t Have a Math Requirement?
…who really needs math anyway? MORE »
Local Ithaca Resident Arrested After Being Caught Living in Uris Library
Michael Bates, a local resident of the city of Ithaca, was reportedly arrested last Friday night by the Cornell University Police Department after allegedly living in the Uris Library “cocktail lounge” for nearly a week. According to the police report, Bates allegedly entered the library Monday morning. He was then seen, on a few... MORE »
Freshman Finally Finds Opportunity To Use Condom Stored In His Wallet Since Seventh Grade
While September 21 was an ordinary day for most of us, twenty three seconds made that day extraordinary for one Cornell University freshman. September 21 marks the day young Joseph Bemlin lost his Virginity. The young collegiate recalls spending the night consuming alcoholic drinks with his friends at a fraternity event. While Joe had said... MORE »
Technologically Retarded and Why Professors Are Hypocrites
Don’t you hate it when professors tell you to turn off your cell phones when you’re in class or keep them on silent? Clearly having my phone constantly in my hand during your class is the only thing keeping me from falling asleep. What would you prefer? But, what I hate more than that is... MORE »
Student Graffities Campus Hill After Miami Heat Loss
While there are not many Miami Heat fans in Ithaca, especially right now, there was one in Campus Hill during the team’s loss to the Boston Celtics on Tuesday night. Everyone still in the building found out that senior-to-be Martin Majerle was still in Ithaca as soon as the final buzzer ring. Majerle started... MORE »
University Officials
Travis Apgar, who has recently been under some heat for the changes being enforced with regard to Greek Life, issued a statement Tuesday, “We are, in no way, cracking down on Greek Life.” Apgar continued, “Just because we appointed a group of 96-year-old men, whose attitudes toward college students are in no way skewed,... MORE »
In New Policy, Skorton Puts George Orwell “Obey” Stickers on Every Frat Party ID Scanner
NORTH CAMPUS – In what he calls a “friendly reminder to freshmen that we’re watching their every move,” Cornell University President David Skorton has instituted a new policy that requires every ID scanner used at frat parties to bear an “Obey” sticker from George Orwell’s classic novel, 1984. “You see, every time you put... MORE »