It’s the Christmas of college: Halloween weekend. Halloween was once known to all of us, in a much more innocent time, as the night where we dressed up as our favorite superhero and ate as much candy as our tiny tummy’s could hold before we puked.
But now that we’re much older and wiser Halloween is associated with one word: sluts.
Now the only thing more unoriginal than a slut on Halloween, is a joke about sluts on Halloween. I don’t understand why there are so many Halloween-slut haters out there.. they are what make this holiday great.
This is the one night where girls break free from their enslavement to the library and let their sweater puppies breathe. Jessy just completed her application to Harvard Law School.. and yeah she’s going to celebrate by dressing up as a slutty Sandra Day O’Connor. (I do not object your Honor.)
If you go to a school in a cold climate like we do here, then girls have very few opportunities to show off their rockin’ sleep-deprived-overly-caffeinated bodies. If you’ve got it, flaunt it girl! Who cares if it’s impractical to wear those slutty salt, pepper & cumin costumes in 26Â° weather? That’s what college is all about… nay.. that’s what America is all about (right to bear arms < right to bear boobs).
Don’t think slutty nurse or slutty firefighter are creative enough? Don’t worry! You can literally turn anything into a slutty Halloween costume just by cutting fabric out of your costume in a few select locations. I myself have spent weeks creating my slutty Jabba the Hutt costume. Want to be a mummy? Just forget to wrap toilet paper around particular upper parts of your torso… if you catch my drift… (if you don’t, I’m talking about your boobs).
And don’t think this holiday is only for the girls.. guys need to SLUT UP as well. Don’t deprive yourself of that special moment where you are dressed as a slutty doctor and you look across the bar and see a slutty nurse (throwing up in the corner) and you finally make eye-contact… that’s the kind of story you’re going to tell your grandkids someday.
So let’s hear it for the sluts! Happy Halloween everyone!