So you’re walking innocently across Ho Plaza while trying to block out as much of the clock tower chimes as possible, begging for an easier hangover. You’re tired; nauseas, and you look like you haven’t seen daylight in months. But some kid doesn’t look frustrated, burnt out, or miserable. He actually has a smile on his face and is looking up as if he’s actually admiring those annoying chimes. Who the hell does this kid think he is, being all happy and stuff? Oh wait, he doesn’t go here. Wait but that must mean…please don’t tell me…fuuuuuuccccc…

 

Welcome to Cornell Days!

 

Now a lot of people make jokes about Cornell Days. They range from the weather being peculiarly nice EVERY SINGLE time Cornell Days comes around, to the tons of testimonies of student hosts who “misplaced” their pre-froshes. And let us not forget about the overly cocky, yet still very ignorant, pre-froshes who think they have an automatic bid at a fraternity just because they managed to sneak into one of their parties. All in all, the week does get pretty frustrating, especially when you have to muster up enough energy to not yell at every passing tour group, “Don’t listen to that bitch, she’s lying!”

 

However, there is a bright side to Cornell Days, a gem that goes forgotten each year: MILFS.

 

For every Cornell student, there is at least one mother to match. They’re mature. They’re experienced. And best of all, you know they’re smart—how else could they have raised a kid smart enough to attend Cornell. And when college romances have you down, and you don’t think there is anyone else left, remember there is always hope with the older gals. Who knows, you might even be able to snag your own Stifler’s Mom and ruin your friend’s billiard’s table.

 

So next time you see one of those annoying pre-froshes, before you start planning your demented strategy of bursting some innocent kid’s overeager bubble, introduce yourself. Tell them about how much you love Cornell. Invite them to a party. Then, most importantly, make sure to tell them that mommy can come too.