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Shit Cornellians at Cornell Say
Agreed upon by some disagreed upon by few....these are the shits that we say up in here.
Fraternities Urge Congress to Make the Word, “Bro,” Illegal
Unbeknownst to many, a national movement has recently been established; hundreds of chapters of some of the most prominent social collegiate fraternities have joined forces for a common cause. Their stated purpose is to “put pressure on the federal government, to end the oppression, stereotypes, bigotry and prejudice reflected by the use of the word,... MORE »
Cornell Basement’s Guide to Finding a New MILF Girlfriend During Cornell Days
So you’re walking innocently across Ho Plaza while trying to block out as much of the clock tower chimes as possible, begging for an easier hangover. You’re tired; nauseas, and you look like you haven’t seen daylight in months. But some kid doesn’t look frustrated, burnt out, or miserable. He actually has a smile on... MORE »
New Women’s Dorm Named After Psychology Professor
Cornell recently announced that a new women’s dorm, similar to Balch Hall, will be built in 2013 to accommodate the increasing amount of women attending the university. Half of the intramural fields are being zoned off for construction and they plan to break ground in June of 2013. The university would not release the name... MORE »
MISSING: Help Me Find My Freshman Orientation Group!
I blame my Orientation Leader for not warning me this would happen! MORE »
Skorton Credits First Born’s Blood Sacrifice for Warm Weather
ITHACA, NY-When Cornell University President David Skorton announced last month that he was going to sacrifice his first born child in an effort to snatch the NYC tech bid, Cornellian’s were quite skeptical. It seems as though Skorton has proved countless students wrong in not only earning the tech bid, but also in ensuring pleasurable weather for... MORE »
Wing Wednesday Cancelled, Replaced With This Green Shit
NORTH CAMPUS ““ Robert Purcell Community Center erupted into chaos Wednesday night, as while students and faculty arrived expecting the luscious aroma of Wing Wednesday’s glorious spicy chicken wings, they instead found this green shit. “I look forward to Wing Wednesday all week,” says hungry freshmen Kent Gonzalez. “And low and behold, the Wednesday... MORE »
Message of Condolence from President Skorton: R.I.P. DC++
President Skorton‘s Message of Condolence 29 November 2011 Dear Cornellians, Two weeks ago, we learned with sadness that we lost a beloved member of our community, DC++, who was murdered after apparent “massive liability.” DC++ was an ambitious file-sharing network that once illegally hosted more than 35 terabytes of music, video and other content. He was... MORE »
YOU CAN WIN MILLIONS OF DOLLARS!!!!!
Hey Basement dwellers! “¦ Wait, that’s a really creepy name to call our readers. Off to a good start. Hey guys! We’re excited to announce our first annual Campus Basement Halloween Contest. Now that we’re a bunch of miserable alums who all miss our glory days, we want to live vicariously through your awesome... MORE »
Looks like Someone Partied Too Hard
I guess you can say, last night was NUTS! [there goes my pun limit for the week] MORE »
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