Unbeknownst to many, a national movement has recently been established; hundreds of chapters of some of the most prominent social collegiate fraternities have joined forces for a common cause. Their stated purpose is to “put pressure on the federal government, to end the oppression, stereotypes, bigotry and prejudice reflected by the use of the word, ‘bro.’ We represent the “Tired of Offensive Oppression of Language” Movement, and we urge Congress to criminalize the use of this dangerous word to protect our freedom.”


According to Wesley Jackson, the leader of the Tired of Offensive Oppression of Language (T.O.O.L.) movement, the word “bro” should be reserved to only those that belong to social collegiate fraternities.


“That’s our word. It is offensive when other people use it. They didn’t go through the adversity that we went through. They didn’t go through 3-6 months of pledging. My people suffered. Even my own lineage suffered—my big suffered, my big’s big suffered, and even my big’s big’s big suffered. Our people have been suffering from oppression since the 1860′s—when our fraternity formed.


Chad Murphy, one of the many protestors fighting for this cause explained his personal frustration.


“I just don’t get it,” explained Murphy. “There are so many other words other people can use. Dude, man, kid—that’s three alternatives right there. There’s no reason to display such bigoted hatred by throwing out the B-word. You just don’t do that bro.”


Wesley Jackson, the leader of the T.O.O.L. Movement and self-proclaimed “King of all Bros,” ended one of his emotional stirring speeches with a clear message.


“We are going to march on Washington. Just because we’re a minority in this country does not mean we can be discriminated against. Stand up brothers and join me. Do it for your biddies and slam pieces. Do it for your sorostitute sweethearts. Do it for the no good pledges that just might become brothers one day. Do it for yourself.  But most importantly, do it for your fellow bros, bro.”