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Happy Valentine’s Day !
Finals Fornication
It is terribly important that we all at Cornell, get A’s on every exam and every paper. But, the most important weeks of our year come in December and May. Finals week. From interviews and experience Cornell Basement has found that the ultimate key to success during Finals Week is sex. Yes, you can be... MORE »
Student Claims to Be Hit by Moving Hot Truck
In all of the bizarre news I have heard in my entire life, this one has to be the weirdest of them all. On Friday night, a Cornell student claims to have been hit by the Hot Truck on Stewart Avenue as it was driving. What is mysterious is that no one has ever... MORE »
Panhel Reveals Phi Sigma Sigma Hires Outside University Students
In the past few weeks there have been numerous sightings of a new sorority all around Cornell’s campus. They have bags, they have sweatshirts and they even have a table at Ho Plaza. These girls are everywhere. But, where did they come from? Just yesterday a Panhelenic representative revealed that these girls are not just... MORE »
Cornell Doctoral Candidate in Philosophy discovers that Life isn’t Fair
Ms. Lee’s thesis aptly titled “Life is not fair and square” is being lauded as one of the 21st century’s greatest philosophical accomplishments. The thesis took about four years to complete. As part of her research, Ms.Lee toured inner city neighborhoods throughout America where she encountered poverty in various forms. Ms Lee stated that “upon  realizing... MORE »
Cornell Hillel Presents: The Big Red Bris
In an effort to uphold everlasting Jewish traditions, Cornell Hillel hosted a Big Red Bar Mitzvah in Duffield Hall this past weekend. The goal of the event was to provide the opportunity for students, who had not previously held the sacred ceremony, to become Bar or Bat Mitzvot. But Hillel did not stop there. Yesterday... MORE »
Cornell Bans Smoking on Campus for Fall 2012
For some people, there’s nothing like taking a quick cigarette break in between a class or during a timeout from an intense study session in the library. Unfortunately, the next time that craving hits you, you’ll have to walk to Collegetown to do it. This morning President David J. Skorton announced that the administration voted... MORE »
Donald Trump: He Couldn’t Take on the Whole Country…Next Stop; Cornell
With no plans for more buildings with his name on them to be built in Manhattan this summer, Donald Trump is out of work. Well, a slew of construction companies are out of work. But seeing as all of the world’s skanks are out looking for Charlie Sheen now #winning, poor Donald Trump #loosing needs... MORE »
College Confidential – Cornell Loves Hogwarts
Harry Potter tickets went on sale yesterday for the midnight showing of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1 this Thursday at Cornell. Tickets sold out faster than Kid Cudi. Students were lined up outside of the theatre for days. They set-up camp in tents, dressed up in their costumes and on Sunday the... MORE »
When Parents Come Abroad
There are obvious reasons as to why having your parents come visit you abroad is the greatest. First being the endless amounts of money since as we all know the only people who can afford go abroad are rich white Jews anyway. But it is nice to have the tedious task of carrying ones wallet... MORE »
Senior Year Struggles
I am a senior HD major and was trying to get my NYTimes out of those crazy contraptions and got my backpack stuck in it when it closed #senioryearstruggles If you are a senior, a super senior or wish you were a senior, please reply to this with your very own #seniorstruggles or #senioryearstruggles….. MORE »
My Winter Break Movie Guidelines
If you’re like me then your winter break has been jam packed with movies, and if you’re Jewish like me then these aren’t movies that you’ve paid for. I put more effort into researching a movie I might have to pay to see in theatres than I’ve put into my thesis. First, I check RottenTomatoes.com... MORE »
What I Think About During My Nutrition Lectures
….so the quality of my work has taken a hit, but my A.D.D is alive and well! MORE »
Smart vs Attractive
you will never win MORE »
Let’s Hear It For The Sluts!
It’s the Christmas of college: Halloween weekend. Halloween was once known to all of us, in a much more innocent time, as the night where we dressed up as our favorite superhero and ate as much candy as our tiny tummy’s could hold before we puked. But now that we’re much older and wiser Halloween... MORE »