The 4th of July is a time to appreciate our country, spend time with friends and family, throw down some burgers and dogs, and light fireworks. Theodore Briggs missed the memo that fireworks are illegal in New York, and also forgot that you are supposed to light them outside.
At a late-morning barbecue on College Avenue, Briggs was extremely intoxicated and pulled out some fireworks in his room. He decided to light a bottle-rocket and aim it outside of the window. Unfortunately, he missed the window and blew a hole through his wall.
People at the barbecue ducked in fear that it was a gunshot. “I got on the floor immediately, I thought either someone had gun or that Joey Chestnut was here and farted,” said Alyah Jenkins, a sophomore PiPhi who was in attendance. Thankfully no one was hurt in the incident. Police were called and Briggs was ticketed for illegal fireworks and destruction of property.
It is very important to be careful when using fireworks. It is very important to light fireworks outside. It is very important that if you do light them inside, you do them in someone you don’t like’s room. Exo-facto, it is very important to not be a dumbass when playing with fireworks.